My “Exhibitionist Diary” has been running since mid September 2018, and will continue to run for as long as I think there’s interest, and I can maintain the pace of writing!
Listed below are all the entries, in chronological order from the start.
I’ll start by introducing myself. My name’s Kate, and I’m very much curious about exhibitionism. When I say “curious” I mean I’m not only curious to read about it, and hunt out photos of men and women nude in public places, but curious about what it feels like to actually do it.
The problem is that I’m also a bit of a coward. Okay, I’m a lot of a coward. So I’m starting this to keep track of my thoughts as I experiment and (hopefully) I can look back on this day and wonder what it is I was worrying about.
Wish me luck.
It’s the start of the new regime, but it’s not like I’m suddenly going to walk around naked. So guess what I did today? While I was at work I carefully unbuttoned the top of my blouse. Stop laughing at the back. Every journey begins with a single step etc etc.
I work in an office, so it was only my computer screen that saw anything really, and I don’t think it cares. I mean, it’s not that I’m completely unattractive, even if I’m nothing special, but unless someone’s hacked my webcam then I had no real audience. (And if someone has hacked my webcam they must have fallen asleep from boredom long before now.)
Oh, but I did make it all the way home that way. One tube and a bus journey, and disappointingly I don’t think a single person noticed.
Today I started with the button undone, and lasted the whole day that way. It’s a bigger deal than you’d think because I have to say hello to everyone else on the way to my desk. I’m an accountant and there are a few older guys in the office (I’m 26, by the way), but even they didn’t notice anything. But I did work with a bit of a smile on my face, like I had a secret or something. I’m such an idiot sometimes.
I was out of ideas for levelling up today, so while I was working I popped another button. You could definitely have seen a bit of bra, if you were my computer monitor, that is, because whenever I left my desk and as soon as five-thirty came around I twisted it back up again.
If charity begins at home, then why not exhibitionism too? My flat is overlooked in all kinds of directions, although I have blinds in the dining room and I doubt the neighbours can see through the little gaps. (Although they don’t have any so I can see them moving around.) It seemed a good time to get used to this loose-buttoned feeling anyway, so I swanned around the place flashing bra at nobody at all. Unless the couple across the street have binoculars, that is, which would be a very amusing turnaround.
I thought I should celebrate my new week, but I was too busy at work and had too many meetings to go flashing anyone. When I got home I treated myself with a little experiment: I unbuttoned my blouse completely and then tied it into a knot around my midriff. It felt pretty daring to be showing a bit of stomach and a whole lot of bra, albeit to nobody at all. Then I watched a Marvel movie and completely forgot about it.
I dunno if the weekend should call for something different, but to be honest I didn’t have anything planned except washing and shopping. Dull dull dull…
Also dull, but I did go to see my mum. She dropped plenty of hints about how it’s time I got a boyfriend. And by “hint” I really mean “said it out loud as if I wasn’t there”.
I really need to come up with something imaginative as there’s only so far one can go with blouse buttons. But I am coming to appreciate how much cooler it is to have a couple undone while I work.
OMG today was huge! I forgot to do my buttons back up when I went to talk to a colleague (Matthew) and I saw him glance at my cleavage. Then he went red, and I went red… I mean, it’s only two buttons, but just to see someone notice was such a thrill! And Matthew’s allright too (even if he does have a girlfriend, unfortunately).
Another big day! I was sitting at my desk, twirling at my blouse lapel, and I didn’t notice Matthew come over. He sat on the edge of the desk while I was in my chair, and he was looming right over me, and I could see how much he kept trying to snatch a glance down my blouse. And this time I didn’t turn bright red!
What a waste! I wore my best “going out” bra, and Matthew wasn’t even in the office. I was so annoyed I buttoned myself right up for the way home.
I really really need some new clothes – I’m bored with button fiddling, and I can’t undo another one in the office without looking like I’ve forgotten to get dressed.
I discovered another good thing about clothes shopping: it’s somewhere new to fantasise about stepping out into a crowded space in my underwear! Of course, I did no such thing, but I did buy a shorter skirt, and a couple of low-cut tops, and blouses with a bit of a v-neck. And a cardigan, because I’m sensible and it’ll start getting colder soon.
Today was washing day this weekend (isn’t this blog exciting?). But I did do one fun thing: I made a last-minute decision to wash the clothes I was wearing, except the underwear (which I have lots of), so right next to the washing machine I stripped off, put everything in, and then had to walk back to my bedroom in my undies. If the neighbours at the back can see through my blinds they might have glimpsed something, but I’m not sure if they were in. And I didn’t have the lights on. But I sat in the front room and read a graphic novel for a while, until it got dark and I wanted the light on and chickened out by wrapping myself in a dressing gown before closing the curtains.
Gosh – I’ve been at this for two weeks and I’m still covering myself up in my own home? I haven’t gotten very far, have I?
Does Autumn start in October? I can never remember, but it often feels like it. Today it certainly did so there was no outing for the new skirts. In fact, I wore trousers to work, but at least there it’s heated so I could flap my blouse around to my heart’s content. No encounters of note.
The temperature dropped even further and I had to put on a coat to walk to the tube. This isn’t moving things along at all – I’m wearing even more than when I started!
I wore one of my v-neck blouses today. It doesn’t show as much as if I have two buttons undone on a regular one, but the thing is that I can’t do anything about it. But I got a compliment at work! From Ha (who’s Vietnamese and one of the tiniest women I know, so no chance of her looking down my top). It made me smile all the same.
We were stuck on the tube for forty minutes this morning. It was sweltering hot and I had to take my coat off, and I forgot that these new blouses flap around all over the place! One guy was just staring at my chest as I put my coat down on my bag and I realised he’d pretty much seen a whole breast (albeit clad in a large cotton bra). I turned bright red and he didn’t even look embarrassed at being caught, he just gave me a half smile.
I think I smiled back, and then felt silly for rushing to cover myself up again. While we waited for the tube to start moving the heat increased and I flapped at my blouse and I saw him look again. I pretended not to know I was giving him little half-second peep-shows. It was fun!
Went out for drinks after work, but I hadn’t planned it very well so I was wearing an old blouse. While I was in the toilets I had this weird idea of undoing a button halfway down and hoping I might flash a bit of belly button. I’ve no idea if it worked, but I didn’t catch anyone looking so I guess not. I wish I was brave enough to do the tied-blouse thing that I’d tried at home.
Something weird happened today. I was watching the TV with the light off and I turned to look out of the window and the house opposite, with the young couple, had a light in their hall, and sitting in the window I could see the girl that lives there (she must be my age) and standing in the doorway at the back of the room was the guy. But I could swear he was stark naked. He was pretty hairy down there anyway. I think he didn’t know he was in the light, and they have plants and things in their room so he probably thought he was hidden. He seemed to be talking to her and then he turned and walked out, but with all the plants and things in the way I couldn’t see if anything was flapping about that would tell me that he was definitely in the nude.
Here I am stressing about a few buttons and the guy across the road is just strutting around in the nip like it’s normal. I’m such a coward it’s unbelievable.
Okay, so I’ve been reading some stuff, and I’m just getting to the conclusion that the next step is going to be no underwear. I mean, I can’t really show more skin at the office without being fired, and I can’t do nothing or I’ll never get anywhere. And it’s not like I’m adventurous at the weekends.
I had loads of meeting today so it was definitely not a day to experiment.
I nearly chickened out today too. I mean, I did chicken out, but I felt so bad that I went into the toilets on the way home, took my knickers off and stuffed them into my bag! It was very exciting to be walking out of the building with fresh air between my legs, and I was glad it was a bit warmer too.
Disappointingly, though, nobody on the tube batted an eyelid. I guess they wouldn’t, since it’s not like I’m in the habit of showing my knickers anyway. But at least I had a bit of fun.
I did it! A whole day without underwear! I mean, I wore a bra, of course, but only a skirt (and short white socks) below. Of course, there was no danger, even in the office, but I could have a bit of fun pretending to be Sharon Stone by crossing my legs and uncrossing them while I was at my desk.
Knickerless might be the only way to go from now on. It just feels so good, and I love to walk around knowing I’ve got a secret. And that’s one less thing to wash at the weekend too…
I’m so proud of myself! I hadn’t even planned it, but on the way out of the office I just felt like “fuck it”, so I went into the toilets, took off my bra, and went all the way home with it in my bag. I had my blouse buttoned right up, but I wondered if anyone on the tube could tell. My heart was racing and I’m sure my nipples were pressing against the cotton. They certainly felt like it.
I stood in the window with a glass of wine later, wanting to tell everyone that I wasn’t wearing any underwear. Maybe nobody would care, but it felt good.
I decided I should use the weekends to experiment a bit more, so today I put on short socks, a nice loose skirt and a stretchy top, and nothing else, and went shopping. It was such a buzz! Except, the best laid plans of mice and exhibitionists… I hadn’t counted on it being so windy, and I spent half the time worrying about my skirt. And not to mention it was a little bit breezy “up there”. It was a bit of a giggle all the same.
Today was totally weird. I had the same skirt on, and a long-sleeved top, and I went out to the bookshop and bumped into an old boyfriend in the street. I must have turned a bright shade of red and we just sort of said “hello” and “what have you been up to”, and then he gave me a bit of a look up and down and I could have sworn he was looking right through my clothes. “You’re looking really good, though,” he said.
“Thanks,” I beamed, and then told him I had to go. I wondered if he was watching me as I walked away. I hoped so, and I hoped he realised what he was missing out on.
It was blowing a gale today so I had a coat and cardigan on, but this was my first day going to the office without any underwear at all. But then I got the fear and kept the cardigan on in the office, which I was glad of as I was pulled into a meeting unexpectedly. I wouldn’t have liked sitting there with my breasts poking against my blouse whilst trying to talk payroll!
I knew I had meetings today. I toyed with the idea of risking being braless, but didn’t in the end. So it was pretty boring.
I felt like I had to make up for yesterday so I went all-in: v-neck blouse and nothing underneath. But I took my cardigan with me just in case.
Ha asked me where I got the blouse and I felt very self-conscious as she peered at it, half expecting her to point and shout “you’re not wearing a bra!” Obviously she didn’t do that, and I told her where I’d gotten it. She promised that if she bought one it would be a different colour so we wouldn’t come into the office wearing the same thing.
I’m pretty sure Matthew worked out I wasn’t wearing a bra today! I was at my desk with just a normal blouse on, but the thing is that I’ve gotten so used to fiddling with my buttons that I was doing exactly that when he appeared beside me. I saw where his eyes went as I spun on my chair, and then he made as if he was looking at a spot two feet above my head! It was hilarious! And as I was talking to him I didn’t even do the button back up, because I couldn’t work out how. This has been the best day so far!
Who books meetings on a Friday? Boring meetings and boring clothing. I didn’t do much when I got home either.
Lovely weather today! I wore my shorter skirt – the one I’d gotten two weeks ago – and a low cut top, and it felt totally amazing to the tube and feeling so free. Although I didn’t dare sit down as the skirt pulls up just above the knee then.
And I discovered a totally new buzz: shopping for clothes without any underwear! I was completely naked in the changing room as I tried things on, and I could even see through to the rest of the store down the gap at the edge of the curtain. I tried on so many things, and bought more than I should… my credit card can take it, and I get paid at the end of next week.
What is it about where I live? I looked out of the back window and in one of the gardens that backs onto mine there was a woman standing there smoking a fag in nothing but her underwear. I reckon she’s in her thirties, and basically didn’t seem to care less who could see her. I feel such a wimp that I’m terrified about doing even half that!
So I went and got half-dressed into my underwear (which felt weird after a week without it) and went back to the kitchen, but by that time she was gone. I was disappointed that nobody had seen my moment of bravery so I went into the front room but then I saw someone in the flat opposite and in a fit of panic dropped to my knees and crawled out of the room so they couldn’t see me.
No underwear to work. Pretty standard now. Although I reckon Helen on reception still shows more cleavage than I do. And her skirts are waaaaayy shorter.
I’ve decided that the thing that’s holding me back is worrying about how my body looks, so I’ve signed up for a Pilates class. Once I get the flat tummy back I had five years ago I’ll have no excuse. (Yeah, right.)
Pilates might actually be a setback, as there’s no way I’m doing that without underwear. Not with those leggings and that top clinging to me. Since I went straight from work it was a pretty standard day.
Pilates was massively hard, though. There were only twelve of us and I hid as close to the back as I could, but honestly I was too busy sweating and collapsing to even look at my fellow classmates, and from what I can tell they were the same – even the ones that managed to keep going. I’m glad there were plenty of fellow strugglers like me, though. No pain no gain! (I just hope it’s not lots of pain for no gain.)
Oh jeez my legs and stomach ache from that Pilates class last night! I was very much not feeling sexy today, even with the boost of being able to skip the underwear again! I was so zoned out I nearly missed this guy on the tube trying to take a peek down my blouse.
For some reason I was googling stuff about exhibitionism when I got home and found a mug that said “If it requires pants or a bra it’s not happening today” on it. Might get it as a reward for myself sometime… I just need to choose a milestone.
(Mug here so I don’t forget it: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZCDZ45G/)
I was still aching today, but I powered through it (by sitting at my desk and not moving much). I spent a lot of time feeling my stomach looking for muscles through the fat. There must be something in there that’s causing all of this aching, but I’m damned if I could find it. I guess one exercise class isn’t really enough to turn me into a supermodel… or even a standard model.
I went out for a drink after work but there wasn’t really anyone I wanted to show off to so it didn’t last long.
The neighbours are at it again! We’re in this weird heatwave and the woman out the back, the one who was smoking in her underwear, appeared at the back door in nothing but a pair of shorts and went around her garden watering the plants! I know I shouldn’t judge, but every time she leant over I swear her boobs nearly reached the ground. I wouldn’t even go out there in my nightie and when she looked up at the window I had to pretend I hadn’t even noticed her and carried on making a cup of tea.
Anyway, I thought if she can do it, I can do it too… just not quite as well. If I can muster the courage to go into the garden in my underwear then I’m getting that mug.
Nothing much else happened today. I went to the supermarket in one of my new tops and skirt, but being without underwear is feeling pretty normal now so I hardly even remembered it as I was walking around.
There was a lot of noise outside tonight and I realised it’s one of the Saturdays closest to Halloween. It’s not something I’d ever cared for, but maybe there’s a revealing outfit opportunity I’ve yet to explore?
The clocks went back today so we all got an extra hour in bed. Except really it just means I got up at a reasonable time and still had a lie-in. Met friends today and then wandered around saying how weird it was that it was warm at this time of year, but the problem with the clocks changing was that it was getting dark by late afternoon.
Anyway, I was too terrified that my friends would discover my new secret adventures that I ended up wearing about twice as many clothes as I needed. I was baking when I got home, so I stripped down to my underwear as soon as I got through the front door. And then I remembered that I had some washing on the line out the back, so as dusk began to fall I snuck out the back door and in nothing but bra and knickers I unclipped my washing and folded it over my arm.
I’m not sure whether I’m disappointed that nobody seemed to see me, but I can reward myself with that mug now. “If it requires pants or a bra it’s not happening today” shall be my motto, except when it comes to washing I’ve promised myself that it’s only bra and pants from now on.
What a day.
The weather took a bit of a nosedive. Although it stayed warm it was forecast to absolutely chuck it down with rain. But being the resourceful person I now am I took full advantage of it as I have some calf boots that don’t get anywhere near enough wear, and to go with those I wore a slightly shorter skirt than usual. It meant I wasn’t really showing any more leg, but it felt a bit riskier to move the bare skin a bit higher!
It put me in such a good mood that I was bouncing along the street to the tube with my umbrella in one hand and my bag over my shoulder. And when it started to rain it felt so good I didn’t put the umbrella up. It felt remarkably warm and I didn’t even button my coat up.
I put the funny looks that I got on the tube down to the grin on my face, but then I got to work and went into the bathroom to dry my hands and I worked out exactly why: the white blouse I was wearing was half-soaked with rain, and looking back at me from the mirror were two pink nipples showing through the wet cotton! It was like I was wearing tissue paper!
OMG I wished I’d had the courage to do that knowingly, but there was no way I could sit around the office like that. So I had to keep my jacket on and buttoned up for the morning while I steamed inside! I must have looked a right state with bedraggled hair and a red face from being too hot.
Lesson learnt, I guess, but I’m not sure if it was a good lesson or a bad one.
Pilates day. Knackered again.
I can’t believe it’s November already!
I ached from pilates again this morning. I better get a flat stomach out of this or I’ll be very disappointed.
At least it had stopped raining, but it was quite cold so I had to wear tights. And tights with no underwear is a no-goer, and I’m not spending loads of money on stockings, so it was a distinctly unadventurous day at work. It was made even worse by seeing a load of sexy Halloween party-goers out in skimpy outfits on the way home!
I was so frustrated that as soon as I got in I turned the heating up and stripped right down to nothing and spent the rest of the evening naked! I had the lights turned down, of course, and put a dressing gown on when I went to the kitchen (because I don’t have blinds on the windows there), but it felt very liberating. Especially each time I walked past the dining room window, even though nobody was in opposite to see me.
Given the way the temperatures are going I doubt I’ll be able to do that many more times this year.
I feel like I might have started this exhibitionist adventure at the wrong time of year because it’s really quite cold today.
Anyway, I found a kind of solution, which was long socks, boots, and a long skirt. I mean, nobody would know what was or wasn’t underneath, and thankfully it wasn’t too windy so I kept nice and warm. Then I had a cardigan and a blouse and a jacket until I got to the office.
Matthew came over for a chat at some point and I wished I’d undone another button, but I kept on fingering at the lapel and I could see it was distracting him. Maybe there’s something there. He’s nice enough.
The train was absolutely full with Halloween partiers this evening. I envied them for the fun they seemed to be having, but I much preferred to go home to be honest.
I had a revelation today: thigh socks. Better than tights, and much more durable (and warmer) than stockings. I went out shopping and bought a few pairs and then tried them on at home. I’ve only ever worn stockings once before but boy was I amazed at how sexy it felt just wearing these. This is going to sound really weird, but I took a picture of myself wearing nothing but those long socks (right up to the top of my thighs) and, you know what, I reckon I look allright.
I tried a few things on with them. Short skirts looked waaay sexy, and I don’t think I’m brave enough for that, but even longer ones felt pretty good.
Maybe I’ll try stockings sometime after all, if I ever get a date.
Sunday was chores day and I didn’t get out of my dressing gown until lunchtime. I wasn’t in the mood for much today so I just lounged around in jeans and t-shirt and read and tidied up and generally wasted the day.
I also realised that my idea of going out in the garden and getting my clothes off the line in my underwear didn’t really work in winter. Oh well.
It was bucketing it down with rain from the start of the day and I didn’t want to get drenched and turn my blouse see-through again. I was hoping to give the thigh socks a run out but it was raining so much I wore boots and normal socks instead.
Once I got to the office Ha said she liked my boots! She said this weather was the closest she’d get to Vietnamese weather in the UK, although she’d not spent much time there. She told me about how in Hong Kong a lot of people will just wear shorts and a t-shirt in the rain because although you get soaked you also dry out quickly once it stops. Before I had time to think about it I said you could just wear nothing at all then there’s nothing to dry, but then I blushed and so did Ha!
A new senior partner started at work today. Her name’s Jo and she’s the first woman the company’s ever had in that position. They’d told us about her a while back, and about how they wanted to be more inclusive, and I’d expected her to be some dowdy old accountant but she was probably not even forty and was wearing a nice top and grey skirt that made the rest of us girls in white blouses look distinctly ordinary.
I didn’t get to meet her but I caught myself pulling my blouse tightly shut when she was introduced to the office. I think I’m paranoid that she’ll work out I’m not wearing a bra any more, although it’s not exactly part of the office dress code so I’m not sure what she could do.
I met Jo, the new partner, today. I was worried that she might be really pushy or something but she talked about how important it was that all the women in the office had someone to make their case at senior level and she had a lovely smile and all of a sudden I seem to have a crush on my boss. (She’s not really my boss, because I report to Brian, but it’s close enough.)
She asked if I’d been told I had to wear a blouse and skirt to work every day, and I said someone had told me when I started, but then I turned red as I wondered if she could work out I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. But she just said as long as I was smart and professional I could wear what I liked.
Pilates was exhausting again.
I took Jo at her word and for the first time ever I didn’t wear a blouse to work. Now I would love that to mean that I didn’t wear anything, but I put a nice top on instead. It wasn’t low cut or anything, but I just felt… better. Maybe it’s more feminine or something, but I smiled at a guy on the tube and he smiled back, and then I was too embarrassed and went back to my book.
Oh, and I wore trousers too. We’d been allowed to wear trousers before, of course, but somehow grey skirts had become office uniform. Jo said she liked my outfit and my heart fluttered. What an idiot!
I went for lunch with Ha and we talked about our new boss. I wasn’t the only one who wore something different too, and Ha had a lovely green blouse that almost matched her eyes. We both agreed that although we’d have to see how things went with Jo over time it was definitely good to have a woman at senior level.
Weirdly, on the way home I felt sexier as I was, covered pretty much from head to toe, than at any time in the past couple of months. It’s wonderful what empowerment feels like.
I was in such a good mood today I tried the long socks for the first time. With no underwear. I had a long-ish skirt, of course, and ankle boots, and then a light blue blouse, and no bra, and then a cardigan and coat.
Jo sent a message to all the women in the office asking if we went out for evening drinks. Helen on reception replied that we don’t often but she’d like to.
It was funny, because suddenly more of the men wanted to come out too. I get the feeling they’re looking at us all a little differently now that Jo’s around, and it’s suddenly like we’ve all had a promotion (just without the pay rise).
I only stayed for a couple of drinks and spent most of the time enchanted by Jo’s anecdotes of past work experiences and what it was like when she was “younger”. I think with the long socks clinging to my thighs I was a little bit overwhelmed by it all.
I seem to spend every Saturday shopping for new clothes now, which is ironic given that I’m wearing less… But I made today an adventurous day, so I wore long socks and a shorter skirt. They only just overlapped, and I flashed a bit of thigh when I sat on the tube. I saw some guy looking and pretended not to notice, but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Thankfully there were no mishaps and I kept my knees tight together.
I was only buying a selection of new tops anyway, including some sweaters and cardigans. Winter is coming and all that.
I had the most embarrassing dream last night. I was in Jo’s office but completely naked, and I had to explain why I’d missed a deadline and she said we’d have to go and explain it to the client, and then I followed her through the office with everyone staring at me. And then suddenly we were standing on the tube and all these clothed bodies were pressed against me and for some reason Jo put her hand on my breast… I was so horny when I woke up there was only one thing for it, of course.
It’s weird because I’ve never dreamt about a woman before, not like that. I thought I’d be too old to go through that kind of a phase.
I felt really shy today at work, as if somehow someone would find out about my dream on Saturday night. But I wore one of my new tops, and long socks and a skirt again. The novelty of no underwear has worn off a bit.
I told Ha about Pilates at lunchtime and how I really wanted a flat tummy. She said I should take up running to burn more calories, if I wanted to… not that I was fat or anything… Thankfully she’s too nice and we both giggled about her putting her foot in it. Anyway, she said she did 5k runs a couple of times a week and then she lifted her blouse up and my god was her waist thin. It was the best sales pitch ever.
Of course, procrastination got the better of me and I’ll have to buy some trainers and running gear at the weekend so I can’t possibly start today. Which is a relief.
It was weirdly warm and humid today, so I went back to boots and skirt. But then I did something a bit more daring and just had a new sweater on my top half. The wool felt really nice on my nipples.
The problem was that the office heating was on overdrive from the week before. It didn’t really seem to work on a thermostat and someone said building maintenance were the only ones who could turn it down. I was baking hot as I sat at my desk and was fanning myself with a notepad when Matthew came over and told me about it. He suggested I should take my sweater off and it made my stomach do backflips… I had to admit I had nothing on underneath. I don’t think he knew I meant nothing at all, but he said he doubted anyone would mind and it made me blush. I said maybe if it was just us in the office I would, and then I blushed even more, and so did he… I can’t believe I said that.
My mind is well and truly messed up, as I dreamt that Jo and Matthew were getting married! Ha was going to be a bridesmaid and I wasn’t even invited to the wedding. It didn’t make me feel good as I went to work!
It was also Pilates day, which meant sports bra and sturdy underwear.
Ha asked me if I’d started running yet. I said obviously not and pinched the roll around my midriff. She said if I hadn’t started by next week there’d be trouble.
I bumped into Jo in the stairwell and just the thought of the dream I’d had of her made me blush.
I ended up going out to get lunch with Matthew. It wasn’t on purpose, we just left the office at the same time. I was feeling suddenly brave so I asked him if he was coming out for a drink this evening. I felt a bit sick when he told me he was going to meet his fiancée. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend and just said “ok, another time,” in a very pathetic way.
I didn’t go out for a drink either and I was surprised I was actually disappointed when I got home. I think I ate too much chocolate.
Retail therapy might be the best cure for a lovesick heart (and it’s not like I was even that hot on Matthew anyway), but shopping for running shoes really isn’t it. I was in trousers and a top and no underwear and they asked me to go on a treadmill to check my gait and recommend the right trainers for me. I’ve never been on a treadmill before and as well as hanging on for half of it my boobs were bouncing everywhere. There are times when underwear really makes a lot of sense.
Anyway, between those and leggings and running tops I came away about three hundred pounds poorer. I’ll go out and try the new gear tomorrow, I promise.
Running is really hard work! And not at all sexy! I need more sports bras.
I was only following an NHS podcast and there’s hardly any running involved, with lots of walking in between, but my legs ache now. I was out early(ish) for Sunday and there were other runners about (and they were actually running), and when I got back I had a shower and then ended up collapsing on the sofa and just lay there, naked and tired and watching a Sunday morning cooking programme.
I hadn’t pulled the curtains so when I finally got around to moving I peered out of the window and saw my neighbours opposite. I had to crawl out of the front room so they couldn’t see me! Which is silly, since it’s my own flat: why can’t I be naked in it if I want?
Anyway, I made a decision today: now I knew Matthew was unavailable, I would flirt with him as freely as if he were my best and gayest friend who would never in a million years be interested. It would be good practice.
Operation flirt was planned to start today, but my legs were a bit stiff from the running. Still, donning ankle boots and long socks, and a skirt that only just came over my knee, and with a nice clingy top with a bit of a plunging neckline to complete the picture, I set off to work. Not that anyone on the tube would know any of this as I wore my winter coat.
Anyway, I made up a random reason to go and see Matthew this morning, and as I perched on the edge of his desk I managed to push my skirt up a little, just enough to show a bit of thigh. I saw him look down, and then away, and it was such a thrill. Now I just need to find someone single, that I like, that might like me etc etc because with no knickers on I am literally read to go at a moment’s notice lol!
I started at a client’s office today, going in half a day each week and doing their accounts. They were an internet start-up, made up of five men under forty, and each of them gave me a look up and down as I said “hello”.
I decided to make the most of it by undoing another button of my blouse. I mean, they don’t know me, and I’ll not see them outside of this office, so why not? And it was amazing how helpful they were when I asked them any question whatsoever.
I was so pleased with myself I went running after work even though my legs still ached from Sunday.
I told Ha that I’d started running, and that my legs hurt and it was her fault. She said when I was ready we could go out running together and she’d soon whip me into shape. She’s an odd one, that girl.
I have concluded that Pilates will never get any easier.
I went and told Matthew about my new running regime today and, in a stroke of genius, I pulled my skirt up and showed him exactly where on my thighs it ached, each one in turn, just an inch above where my thigh socks ended. Another few inches and he’d have seen everything… I was so turned on I was tempted to go into the bathroom and masturbate afterwards. Matthew’s now seen more of my thighs than any man for a good few years.
A meeting with Brian (my boss) soon cooled me down again, but then I bumped into Jo later that afternoon and she suggested going out for lunch tomorrow. I said I’d love to. Now I have to work out what to wear.
Well… lunch wasn’t quite what I’d planned for, as Jo had invited all the women from the office. I felt silly for thinking it was just going to be me, and especially for dressing up for it. Jo paid for us all. She’s really nice and I can’t work out if I have a real crush on her or am just competing for attention with all the other girls, because everyone likes her.
We were in such a good mood in the afternoon I don’t think the men knew what to make of it. I told Matthew we were going to the pub afterwards and he had to come. He seemed quite stunned but agreed!
I was doing my best to flirt with him when his fiancée arrived. She was disappointingly lovely and I could see why he wouldn’t even give me a second thought in comparison. How depressing.
I took my frustration out on running this morning. Or rather running and walking. Or maybe just shuffling and walking. I was up far too early and at least it was quiet out. I wondered whether running in the nude would ever be feasible, and then remembered what it had been like on the treadmill just being without a bra and shook the idea off.
I stripped off an showered as soon as I got back and it seemed fairly natural not to get dressed right away as I was still pretty warm. But I think I walked past the dining room window when someone was in the room opposite… They can’t really see in all that well, but I do wonder.
I think this is the first weekend in ages I didn’t go clothes shopping.
I met a school friend and we went for lunch and saw a film. Yet again, I was too terrified that she’s work out I was some kind of wannabe freaky streaker that I wore the most conservative outfit I could find. We went to a film afterwards.
It was nice to see her, but when I hear about how her and her boyfriend are buying their first place it gets me really jealous.
I went for a run before work, while it was still a bit dark. It’s amazing how busy it is, but I suppose six-thirty isn’t that early for some people.
Even if I’m crap at it I do feel energised afterwards and I noticed a guy on the tub staring at the v-neck of my blouse. I had wondered if maybe I should wear a bra, just to get a bit more cleavage, but it seems that men will pretty much stare at any patch of bare skin that crosses their eyeline.
Jo actually wore a dress in the office today. I mean, it was a very nice professional dress, not like a ballgown, but it still stood out. It had never occurred to me before so I guess I’ll be back in the shops again soon. She’s a bit thinner than me, though, the cow. (The lovely cow.) I was brave enough to tell her how much I liked it and she said “thanks” and that she felt like a change, and then she ran her hands through her long hair and I think every man in the office turned to look. (Cow. Again.)
This morning was on-site day at the start-up, and I did something very naughty… I put on a shorter skirt, that didn’t even reach my socks, and packed a longer one in my bag for the afternoon back at the office.
I felt like a little doll sitting at the desk with a couple of young men around me making sure I had everything I needed. All that for just two inches of bare thigh! I reckon they’d give me the company if I took anything else off (although I’m not sure how much their company is really worth, having seen the accounts).
On the way out of their building I changed into the long skirt and went back to my usual desk with a smile on my lips. That afternoon Brian said the start-up had been in touch and they think they might need me in for a full day each week from now on. Result!
Pilates really upsets the exhibitionism drive, but I suppose it makes me appreciate those days more. I’m starting to think my stomach is maybe a bit flatter, or maybe more muscular. Maybe I’m imagining it.
It was breezy today so I went for trousers and a sweater, but I took full advantage by going to talk to Matthew and letting it conveniently slide off my shoulder. If that didn’t tell him I was braless underneath then nothing would.
As if he had to make sure I got the message he told me that they’d set a date for the wedding (next June) and I nodded. Somehow we’ve reached some kind of agreement where he’s okay with me flirting with him as long as I’m okay with not getting a response. It’s fun.
I spotted Matthew going out to lunch today so I intercepted him. He was only going for a sandwich but it gave me the opportunity to fiddle with my collar and distract him while the delicatessen made it. I asked him if he was coming out after work and he said he might because his girlfriend’s away. I wasn’t sure if that was an opening to something else or not, but if so then I’m not interested.
Ha came along to the pub and said something about how I was really hitting it off with Matthew and was there anything there. I told her about meeting his fiancée and the wedding and she seemed totally taken aback that we were “just friends”. She told me that she had a male friend like that that she’d known for years and they told each other everything. I sometimes wonder if that’s really true – that neither person wants something else – but I suppose it depends how long they’ve been like that.
Oh yeah: and I ran this morning. It’s just what I do now.
Today is dress-buying day. I don’t have many dresses and that needs to change.
I knew I’d be trying things on all day so I put on a plain top and a skirt with elasticated waist, but I couldn’t believe it when I looked out of the front window this morning. You remember the neighbour that I thought I saw nude at the back of his sitting room? This time it was his partner, who’s only mid or late twenties, completely naked and rifling through a clothes drawer in their front room. I could see right in, and she didn’t seem to care! It’s taken me months to get to the stage of going to buy a dress and here I am surrounded by nude neighbours!
Anyway, it was on my mind when I went shopping. And quite intense shopping it was. I’d take three of four dresses into the changing room, drop my skirt and top and slip each one over my head/up my body as appropriate. It was quite a thrill to feel each different material slide across my skin.
Let’s just say that I have a collection to work through now, though. And a credit card debt to pay off. No more shopping until next year I think.
No nude neighbours today, but I did go for a run this morning. I spent most of the afternoon going through old clothes to either throw away or take to a charity shop. I was feeling quite horny by the evening so I did something very weird: I found some erotic stories on the Internet and sort of “played out” the various states of undress as I read them. Yeah, it’s pretty freaky when I write it down, but it did the trick.
Another run on a very grey Monday. I don’t think I even saw the sun today, and it didn’t feel like the time to show up in a new dress.
Tomorrow I’m at the start-up, though. I’m already excited about what I could wear.
I bought a jumper dress on Saturday. It’s lovely and soft and somehow figure-hugging and baggy all at the same time. It’s also a little bit shorter than I would usually wear, but it has long sleeves so it’s nice and warm, and it goes perfectly with thigh socks. (Now I wish I had thigh boots… no, I can’t buy anything else this year. I can’t.)
When I took my coat off at the start-up I was already expecting the brief look up and down, and the lingering glance at the two inches of bare thigh. And then, because I’m an accountant and counting is my thing, it occurred to me that this might be the fewest items of clothing I’ve ever worn: a dress, and socks. And shoes, but they don’t really count.
Work was much more fun and even the CEO seemed pretty flirty. I went out for lunch with them and he paid and they suddenly seemed much more interested in accountancy than I’d ever found before.
When I got home that night I pulled my curtains and closed my eyes and imagined I was standing in the middle of their office as I stripped the dress off and sat there in just my long socks as I worked at the computer. It would be the perfect job, and it was the perfect image to masturbate to as I lay on the sofa.
Jo asked me today how it was going at the start-up and did I mind that I was on-site for one day a week because she could say something if I did mind. I almost fell over myself making sure that she understood I was very happy with it, although not quite saying it was the best day of the week because I could wear whatever I liked. She said to let her know if it was a problem. I can’t believe how nice she is.
Pilates… yeah, you guessed it: hard.
At lunch today Ha said a friend had dropped out of a trip to a Korean Spa on Saturday and did I want to come? I said I thought she was Vietnamese and she told me I was an idiot, because of course she was but that didn’t mean she couldn’t go to a Korean Spa. Anyway, I said yes.
I spent the afternoon with Brian going over a few clients. Yawn.
Run, shower, breakfast, work. I tried to make it interesting with a new(ish) blouse with a very deep v-neck, but then Matthew wasn’t even in the office and nobody else seemed to care. Although Ha said it was very nice and I had good skin, and the spa tomorrow would make it even better.
I didn’t even go to the pub after work.
Okay, I confess I didn’t really know what a Korean Spa was. So I turned up and there was Ha and four of her friends, who all knew each other, and we were pointed towards the changing rooms. I knew something was up when I started to take my swimsuit out and Ha told me I wouldn’t need it and just wear the bathrobes they’d given us. It was kind of weird just getting undressed in a room full of women (mostly Ha and friends, but a few randoms). Ha is so slim, and a couple of her other friends are southeast Asian too, that I felt like an elephant in comparison and covered up as quickly as I could.
So then we went through a couple of doors, and straight away Ha was out of her bathrobe and walking naked across this steam-filled room towards a middle-aged Korean (I assume) woman in what I’d only call sexy lingerie.
The others followed suit, and I was at the back feeling a bit daft as they looked around and I reluctantly slipped out of my robe and hung it on the wall.
My feet slapped on the floor as I went to the only open table, close to Ha, who smiled at me and winked as I was told to lie on it by my own Korean lingerie woman.
The massage that followed was amazing, though, and I soon forgot that I was naked, that Ha was naked, and that everyone who didn’t work there was naked, and that those who did work there were wearing black lace underwear whilst beating hell out of their customers’ bodies.
I’ve nearly fallen asleep in massages before but not this one, and once she was done we all managed to climb to our feet and shuffled to a side area where we sat around, still nude, and were given warm drinks amidst a huge amount of steam. It was wonderful.
I was disappointed when it came time to get dressed again and we headed off to a bar and shared a bottle of champagne. The others were going out for dinner but I was exhausted by that point and just went home and had an early night.
It was pretty funny that I’d been so scared about showing anyone my body for so long and so much had happened in one day.
My legs were heavy when I went for a run/walk this morning, but I felt quite fresh all the same. But the day was filled with washing, food shopping and other chores.
Ha asked me about my running today. I told her where I was (not very far) but she said she thought it was going some good by the way I looked without any clothes on! I don’t know if Vietnamese people are more direct or if it’s just Ha but it made me blush. But it felt good to hear it, especially from her. (Even if I think she was being more nice than honest.)
I was feeling pretty good about myself that evening, though, and ended up spending more time than I should standing naked in front of the mirror and wondering if this exercise regime really was changing my body shape or was it my imagination.
Start-up visit day! Last week my hemline went high, so this week I decided my neckline had to go low. I wore a rich red blouse with a deep v-neck, and accidentally I’d left the top button undone as well. I checked in the mirror and if I leant forwards far enough you could definitely see a nipple, and you could very much tell there was no bra there. It felt really brave.
I was even braver when the operations guy was standing over my shoulder peering at my screen, because I could see in the monitor reflection that half his attention was on the spreadsheet and the other half was peering down at my chest. I leant forwards to point at something and I really want to know how much he could see. Surely most of a breast… it was such a thrill. He bought me lunch anyway.
I was feeling so good at the end of the day that I actually undid all of the buttons on the way out of the building, albeit with my coat wrapped around me. Then on the way home I wished I’d just taken the whole thing off… imagine coming home with just a coat on my torso? Or just a coat on full-stop? One day.
It was a successful day anyway, even if I was wearing one more item of clothing than the previous week.
Pilates day. Pain day.
It’s the office Christmas party tomorrow. I say party, as it’s really just lunch and maybe a drink or two, but it’s an afternoon off so who am I to complain?
I was fixated by the idea of stripping part of a layer off underneath my coat today, but far too chicken to go through with it.
Today was always the only day of the year that the women in the office weren’t wearing grey skirts and white blouses. Since Jo shook things up that’s changed a bit, but there was still a lot more glamour about the place. Helen on reception had a very sleek black dress on, and Ha’s green dress looked like it was almost painted onto her skin, it was that tight.
I thought this was probably my opportunity to experiment in front of work colleagues, but as it turned out my own dress was somewhat conservative compared to both of those. But the long socks did attract a bit of attention, since I actually was showing some thigh for the first time, and if thin straps didn’t make it clear that I wasn’t wearing a bra then nothing would.
Ha told me I looked really nice, and then freaked me out by running her hand over my hips and saying something about being sneaky with a concealed knickerline! I didn’t dare tell her I had nothing to conceal, but part of me wonders if she knows that already. Especially since I blush so much whenever I think anyone has any inkling… (Which is ridiculous since that’s surely the point of being an exhibitionist?)
Lunch was nice: I had salmon, and maybe a bit too much wine, and I ended up in a drunken conversation with Brian and Jo where Brian told her how great I was and the Tuesday start-up couldn’t get enough of me. Jo looked me up and down as if seeing me in a new light, which I guess she was since I haven’t worn anything this daring in the office. I so want her to like me.
Jo and the other senior people left early and then everything kind of petered out over the course of the evening. I actually had quite an early night.
A lingering hangover clouded the day, and it gets dark so early at this time of year it’s quite depressing. Thankfully the internet is taking care of most of the Christmas shopping.
I got a surprise invite from Ha for brunch tomorrow with friends again, and nothing else is going on so why not?
I got the tube into town to meet Ha. I really didn’t know what to wear… I wanted to push the boundaries a bit, but then she had one idea of me and it might seem a bit odd. In the end I went for boots, longish skirt and a top. But it was cold so I had a sweater over that, and then a coat… Today was not a day for flashing anything to anyone.
I was surprised to see Ha with one of the girls I’d met at the spa (Lily) and a guy I hadn’t met. Apparently it was the lifelong friend she’d told me about. The one question mark I had when she’d told me about him was answered instantly by the way he looked at me: he certainly wasn’t gay.
He stood up and pulled the chair out for me to sit and I felt a little bit gooey inside. He was easily six foot tall and maybe a year or two older than me.
His name was Kieran anyway, and he was nice. And he told me embarrassing stories about Ha when she was young.
Anyway, we talked and ate brunch and we were all about to go our separate ways at the tube station and I was so distracted by Ha suddenly leaning towards Lily and they exchanged a kiss that I hope I didn’t put Kieran off when he suggested he gives me a call sometime and I said “sure”. Because I couldn’t get out of my mind that Ha was a lesbian and I’d never even thought of it. I mean, no reason why she should be, but now I felt weird about hanging around naked in the spa. But Lily was there too… Yeah, I’m a fool, and Ha has set me up good and proper.
But it would be quite nice if Kieran calls.
No message from Kieran. I was so disappointed that I got home, closed all the curtains and walked around naked for the evening. The heating was working overtime to make that possible I can tell you.
I can’t believe the lack of a message from someone I’ve barely met is distracting me from all the fun I should be having today. Anyway, I picked another dress out, and wore boots and short socks, and was pleased with myself for keeping the number of items of clothing down again. (Maybe I should set myself a target of reducing by one each week?… Hmmm, that would mean naked by New year? That would be fun, but not practical.)
Anyway, I wonder if the start-up is getting used to me now, or maybe I was just giving off bad vibes.
We’re all working a bit slowly this week because it’s Christmas soon. Almost everybody has booked Monday off, and some people are heading home on Friday.
Still nothing from Kieran. Pilates still hurts.
A breakthrough! Ha asked me what I thought about Kieran, and I was cagey. She said he asked if I’d got a message and I said no and my heart leapt, and it turned out Ha had given him my old number.
Something came through that evening asking if I wanted to go out on Saturday. I’ve made myself wait until tomorrow to reply.
I sent my reply the first thing this morning: “Sure. What would you like to do?” I didn’t get anything back until lunchtime, but we’re just going out for a drink on Saturday. I’m already wondering what to wear (or what not to wear).
I haven’t been on a date for a long time, and it took me all day to decide on the long socks and woollen jumper dress. That was the one the start-up seemed to like best. And if things went really well then, hey, it’s really easy to take off. My skin tingled at the thought of Kieran standing and staring at my naked body.
I’m about to go out anyway so I’ll have to write the rest tomorrow.
I guess it went well? We got along just fine, but there was definitely no kiss in the air. I suppose it was only a first date. I presume it was a date anyway. Kieran seemed so friendly perhaps he was just being nice?
I haven’t got a message from him, though, so perhaps that’s it. I can’t say I’d blame him. Maybe I should have taken that dress off myself and then see him turn me down.
I almost forgot not to go to work today and woke up with the alarm. I got a run in, then had a shower, then didn’t know what to do with myself. I was sitting around in my dressing gown when my phone buzzed: it was Kieran. He wanted to know if I was around next week. I most certainly am, but I’m going to make you wait a few hours to find out, my boy.
I spent far too much of the afternoon daydreaming, and then wrapped up the last of the presents for the immediate family.
I don’t really have presents to open, but I have some to take around to my mum’s. My brother’s turning up with his wife and their little ‘un, which is okay for a short while but I’m going to have had enough by the end of the day.
The best thing that happened this morning was a “Happy Christmas. See you Friday?” message from Kieran.