I tell you what, nothing makes me masturbate more than trying not to! It’s only been less than a week and now I’m feeling like I want to rub myself up against the nearest tree, lamppost or even vaguely attractive commuter on my way into or home from work.

Also, a new guy joined at work who looks quite nice. He’s called Tim and I think he’s a little younger than me, but not much. I was only briefly introduced to him and I saw him glance at my blouse (which, of course, was slightly unbuttoned) so hopefully he’s single. Or maybe I can just have a good flirt with him. To be honest, anything goes at the moment. The strange thing was he asked me if we’d met before because I looked familiar and I’m as sure as can be that we haven’t, but he seemed really convinced that we had. Maybe my memory’s going in my old age.

Ha has also decided on a costume for me tomorrow night. Apparently I’m to be a zombie, so all I need to bring to work is an old night-dress, and she says the older the better because they’ll be ruining it in the name of authenticity before we go around to her friends place for eight o’clock.

I’ve been invited to a Halloween party on Friday night with Ha and Lily at one of their friends. I’m not big on Halloween but it should be fun, but I have to make sure not to drink too much before the park run on Saturday morning. I can still have one or two, of course, but I need to be fresh for Mel!

Also: forty-eight hours without masturbating, even though at Pilates tonight it was all I could think about.

I didn’t masturbate last night, but I had a really intense dream with Mel and Ellie at a nightclub, but I was naked and they were just sitting on bar stools and watching me dance. My god it was a turn on, and then thinking about what Mel said and not being able to do anything about it made it even worse.

Somehow I had a load of energy at work today, though.

Mondays came around really fast! It only seems like yesterday I was heading to Mel’s, and yet again I was all ready and excited to head over and see what it was that I had to work on, but for the second time Mel send me a message saying she was meeting a client and had to cancel tonight. I texted back asking if I had to become a client to make sure I had her attention (not that I can afford a life coach) and she replied saying I had her attention, and that I was to go home and do a workout on my own and she’d know if I didn’t.

Like a good girl, I did as I was told, and at about seven o’clock I was stripped and getting into my warm-up, although with the curtains closed because I don’t know what’s happening with the couple opposite, when the phone rang. It was Mel, saying she was just on her way to the client but checking I was following instructions. Then she told me to turn on video and I had my second naked call of the month where I had to prove that I was ready with my mat rolled out on the floor and just about to start. Then as I held the phone up to show her, and quite obviously showing how naked I was, I realised that she was on the bus and I had no idea who might be able to see her screen. I guess if I don’t know them then there’s no harm done.

We hung up and I carried on with some planking, and then the phone buzzed again, but this time it was just a message from Mel: “Do the workout from last week, but no masturbating tonight. In fact, no masturbation until next week.”

It made my body tingle and I hadn’t really thought about it, but now I was told not to I wanted to masturbate even more. I couldn’t work out why she wanted me not to, or if she’d know if I didn’t, but somehow I suspected she’d be able to tell. Maybe I’d follow her instruction or maybe I wouldn’t.

On the one hand my life seems to be standing still, but on the other I’m doing all kinds of things for the first time! All kinds of naughty things, and I can’t tell if these are things no-one else has done or if I’m just late to things.

But to last night with Ellie.

We met sometime after six, with me in my skirt, stockings, heels and zipped black top, and Ellie wearing a really tight and actually quite tiny dress, and it was only when I looked closer that I could tell she was wearing sheer tights (which I’m sure weren’t stockings, because her dress was too short) as some protection against the cold.

We exchanged a quick hug and went for a drink and a gossip. And again I felt guilty for not even mentioning my time with Mel, although I did tell her about my night with Ha, which she listened to with wide eyes. She said she envied me that I had a friend who seemed to enjoy “that kind of thing” with me. (It was funny that neither of us really mentioned being naked, as such, out loud in a public place. It would have been a very odd conversation to overhear, but we knew what we meant.)

I asked Ellie if she’d dared herself to do anything at her place. She said she thought her flatmates would find it very weird if she started wandering around in the nude, which might be true but if she doesn’t try she’ll never know. I told her, again, that any time she wanted to hang out at mine she was welcome, and we both knew it was implicit that clothes would not be required. Maybe not even allowed.

Things were getting a bit steamy and we went for dinner at a Japanese place. There’s something much sexier about eating with chopsticks, but my heart rate was higher the whole time wondering if she’d mention anything about my dare. I wasn’t going to ask because I was really getting worried about what it might involve.

Somehow we killed a couple of hours eating and talking and suddenly it was nearly ten o’clock. I suggested going for a quick drink somewhere, but Ellie said she wanted to go to a club. It’s been a while since I went to one, to be honest, but she seemed so full of energy it was enough for both of us.

I also have danced for quite a while and forgot how much fun it is. Plus it felt very sexy dancing with Ellie in her slinky little dress, even if we sometimes got guys trying to join us. I just wasn’t in the mood to pick someone up, not now we were having so much fun. Maybe I should have been but I just can’t see how that kind of place is a good way to meet anyone.

We were at the bar having a cocktail and a rest when I had a look around and a thought occurred to me. “Do you think this a gay club?” I asked Ellie. She looked at me and laughed and nodded. “At this time of night it gets that way,” she said, “But not exclusively.” She looked around again and then said. “It’s fun.”

I had to agree, it was fun, but for the first time I noticed how many same-sex couples there were, and a couple of girls next to us in the bar were kissing. I also noticed how many women were looking over at us, especially at Ellie and her tight dress.

Ellie asked me if I’d ever been with a girl. I shook my head, because I don’t think Mel counts because we didn’t kiss and it was only her hands on my body. I asked her if she had and just said “not really”, which left me more intrigued. She said she’d kissed a girl at college but nothing else happened.

“So time for your dare,” she said without warning. My heart sunk because I dreaded what was coming. But I thought if was going to end up streaking anywhere then a gay club was probably the best place for it.

Ellie complained that last time she’d made up a dare she realised it was something I’d already done before, so this time she knew it was new to me: I had to pick a girl, go up to her and flirt and at some point say “I’m just curious, but can we kiss? Because I’ve never kissed a girl before.”

I could feel my face burning already. Not at the thought of kissing a girl, but at having to talk to a stranger and the almost certain rejection. But my discomfort was Ellie’s delight and she actually clapped her hands in excitement, saying how pleased she was that it looked like she’d finally found something that was difficult for me.

Then she asked me who I was going to pick. There were a few women who had been looking at us, and as soon as Ellie looked in their direction one of them smiled back. I said to Ellie I thought they were interested in her rather than me, then Ellie looked me up and down and said “It looks like it wouldn’t take much to get you out of that top and skirt. Then they’d be interested in you.”

I was glad she hadn’t thought to make that part of the dare. But then I had an idea so I turned to her and said: “I think I’ve chosen.” And she looked around and said “Who?”, and then looked back at me, and I kept staring at her and said: “I’m just curious, but can we kiss? Because I’ve never kissed a girl before.”

She giggled and said I couldn’t be serious but, honestly, it should have been obvious. She tried to say I couldn’t choose her, but I told her that nothing had said I couldn’t, so I had. Then she comically closed her eyes and pouted her lips, but I wasn’t going to let her get away with that, so I moved over to her, told her not to pull a face, and waited until she’d opened her eyes before I moved in.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was so different to kissing Kieran. Her mouth was small, and so gentle, and her lips were soft, and there was the subtle smell of perfume and soap that made me breathe a bit more deeply. That made me feel a bit dizzy, which just added to the experience, and I wondered if Kieran had got the same from kissing me. Either way: it was really nice.

And then we didn’t know what to say to each other and somehow carried on as if it had never happened. We danced a bit more then went our separate ways home. Then in bed later I wondered all along if Ellie had set up this dare hoping exactly for that outcome and I had butterflies in my stomach, because I have no idea still whether a relationship with another woman is something I want to experiment with.

Right, this morning I saw the woman opposite leave the house, and then ten minutes later the guy was wandering around in the nude. I, of course, was also nude, because most mornings I’m in no rush to dress any more, and I guess he could have seen me. But he was definitely not hiding either, although he seemed to be making pretty sure that he couldn’t be seen from the street.

He doesn’t look too bad nude, to be honest, so as long as this doesn’t turn into something weird it’s a bit of extra fun in my life.

Anyway, I need to get ready to go out with Ellie tonight! It’s chilly out, but if we’re making a night of it I want to wear a short skirt with a zip at the side so I’m going with stockings, because I don’t get to wear them enough and they make me feel good, and the black top with long sleeves and a zip right down the front. At least then if Ellie dares me to do something I can get out and then back into my clothes quickly! I’m nervous, though, and as much as I’m looking forward to it I’m also dreading it.