After the run this morning Mel insisted on coming over this afternoon and watching me rehearse some more. She came over just after lunch and I got into my costume and put a chair in the front room and pulled the curtains, and Mel opened the curtains again and said if I was hiding today then I wasn’t going to be prepared for tomorrow.
I really hope Russ and Alison were out! Nobody else would be able to see in. But anyway, Mel was mostly quiet and only gave me small tips, and said I was ready again, and that I shouldn’t drink much tonight, and I definitely shouldn’t get involved in any threesomes, and that we would meet at the pub at six o’clock tomorrow.
I’m so nervous now.
Then this evening I replied to ENFBoyfriend on the photo site. I said thanks for being kind, but I wanted to stay anonymous so I wouldn’t say much, and I said my boyfriend was very understanding of my way of life (which might be true if I had one), which is the most obvious way of saying “keep your distance” imaginable.
I came home and panic rehearsed the routine tonight. With the curtains closed, obviously, because I feel far too silly having Alison and Russ see me doing this! Which is daft as a room full of people will see it in two nights time…
I think I’m going to have trouble sleeping.
Dinner was nice. I really like Jo, still, and she somehow manages to both be the boss and not bossy at the same time. I asked her about her dating too, and she said she’d never got far with the last guy, but she was seeing someone else from time-to-time, but now it was more casual and she’ll just let things happen, but she’s not actually unhappy being alone either. She seems like she’s in a much better place.
But that opened up a bit of a can of worms when she asked me about my life. I said it was complicated, and she asked if it was complicated good or complicated bad, and I said it was sometimes complicated fun, but nothing long-term. She said that she wouldn’t judge one bit, and as long as I was careful then it was up to me whether I had one boyfriend, ten boyfriends, or a hundred girlfriends. I offhand said one of each was plenty enough, not realising that it kind of leaked a bit of information, and she raised an eyebrow but didn’t dig any deeper.
It was the last Pilates before dance night, which means last chance to get some muscle tone in my stomach! But who am I kidding: it’s far too late for that. But at least I’ve leaned some of the excess off.
From now on everything is just counting down to Sunday. Although tomorrow night I’m going for dinner with Jo to chat about life in general.
Ha asked me what was up today and I covered up my worries about Sunday by telling her about the builder and leaking roof and my kitchen being out of action for a week at some point (and not to mention the cost, which at least I have savings for). She said it was no problem, because I could just stay with her and Lily while it was being done! And it would be really easy to move in because I wouldn’t need to bring any clothes. She’s only a friend but it gets me going when she teases me like that, because I know there’s always a little bit of something more than a friend in the background.
Anyway, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not, as I might turn out to be a pain to live with (even for a few days) and then we’ll fall out about something. Plus I want to know that Lily would be okay with it too.
Ha asked me today if I’d had any more threesomes this weekend! I hope nobody heard. But she said we’re well overdue an evening together, which is true, and suggested Saturday, but I think I might still be rehearsing on Saturday, and I don’t want to try and do it with a hangover, so I said it would have to be the weekend after. She said something about fine, if I have better friends, then they could come first. She’s very cheeky sometimes.
At Mel’s this evening it was my last chance to rehearse with feedback. Mel was actually quite nice to me too, and said I’d really progressed, and it was going to be a big success, and that I looked amazing, both dressed and nearly naked, and it would be a night nobody would forget. It sort of made me cry a bit, because it’s been really tense the past few weeks.
Then as a celebration, while I was standing in nothing but heels, nipple pasties and the c-string jammed into my bits, Mel poured us both a glass of wine and then said, fuck it, let’s order sushi, so she did. And of course, she made me answer the door, and the poor guy really didn’t know where to look, and I felt like hiding but then realised that a whole pub full of people would see me like this on Sunday so maybe I had to get used to it.
I actually would have been more comfortable naked with Mel as that c-string thing isn’t very comfortable, but it is a little bit stimulating all the time. It just felt weird to ask if I could pull it off. And then I ended up going home with just my coat on over it all and feeling like an oddball as I found myself in front of the hall mirror with the nipple pasties on. I can’t tell if I it’s just me that thinks it looks silly because I’m looking at my own reflection or if everyone will think I look silly. That almost terrifies me more than the thought of being near to naked in a pub within walking distance of home.
The butterflies are nearly constant in my stomach now.
Eek! Only one week until cabaret night at the pub! So I panic-rehearsed today. And I’m also getting more doubtful about the whole idea, because I’ve realised that it’s so close to home that there’s a good chance of people recognising me out on the streets! I mean, being naked is daunting enough, but being nearly naked and recognised really terrifies me.
And then this evening I had a message in an inbox on the website with my pictures. It was from someone called “ENFBoyfriend” (which doesn’t sound too creepy, I don’t think) and he (I presume) was very nice about the pictures, and said I was very brave, and asked if I was going to upload any more! I’m still on the fence about that last part.
I haven’t replied yet because I really don’t want to look too keen.