Time’s moving so fast at the moment and I had to do a review of my past two weeks ready to go through it with Mel tomorrow. Writing more down (and not just here!) is helping me, I think, but I still don’t quite know where it’s all heading.
Then I spent some more time practicing, because I know Mel will ask me tomorrow. It’s one of the few things I feel the need to draw the curtains for nowadays. And strangely, you’d think learning a strip dance would make me feel horny (since I haven’t been able to find any release for my urges for a while now), but I feel too silly to even learn it naked, and I’m really not doing it very well fully clothed. I end up feeling less aroused than if I was just reading a book.
“My boyfriend is terrible at strip poker, but thankfully he’s really good at kissing and not averse to the odd public show of affection.”
I was determined not to wallow in self-pity after my low patch yesterday, and the morning park run with Mel did perk me up a bit. And then I came home and tried learning some more of the routine before deciding what I really needed was to get out and about. So I put on my best underwear and stockings and my coat and went for a walk and ended up hanging out in a coffee shop and somehow chatting with Ellie over messenger.
Although I’m jealous that she at least has someone, and they have her, she’s really frustrated about how slowly it’s moving! She says she’s dropped every hint but he’s still not doing more than giving her a quick peck on the lips before dropping her home on a date night. Even Kieran was more forward than that, and he took his time! (The bastard.)
I came home and put a bit more practice time in, and before I knew it I’d frittered the day away entirely.
I try not to be depressed when it’s Valentine’s day and I’m single but it’s hard not to. I went out for a drink after work with Rachel and Tim (who both seem to be single too) and even Helen, which is a bit of a surprise but I think she broke up with someone recently. Tim doesn’t really say much, though, and I didn’t want to stay for too long, and even Jo had date plans which made me feel even worse because it wasn’t so long ago that my life seemed sorted and I was trying to help her out.
“I told her I’d wear whatever she wanted me to for our Valentine date night. Big mistake.”
I had my first dance practise this evening, at home, fully clothed and with the curtains closed. I realised that although I thought I knew the routine really well from watching the video I only had the very beginning before I didn’t know which limb went where. And the timing was well off!
I had to keep restarting the video, learning a little bit more, and then starting again. It’s really repetitive and it’s going to be harder work than I thought.