After work I stayed behind a bit to fix the mess I’d made of the PR company yesterday and then tried to ask Jo out for a drink with some of the other girls. She said no, but we left the office together, then on the way out she said “Actually, I do need that drink” and we went into this crappy pub near the office. (Which wasn’t where everyone else was.)

She was trying so hard not to cry, but she said she was really sorry for not being better to me this week but she hadn’t realised that it was only the pills that had made her feel better and now the doctor wouldn’t give her any more. I didn’t know what to say, because I didn’t want to see her sad, but having to rely on the pills sounded bad too. I put my hand on hers and a tear ran down her cheek, and then she said she had to get home and left with half her drink sitting there.

I didn’t feel like meeting up with everyone else after that and once I got home I sent her a message to say if she did want to talk some more, or just hang out with someone that wasn’t part of her past life, then I’d be there. It was quite a different message to the flirting the other night, and then I cried a bit too. I think I’d punch her ex if I saw him. Or maybe kick him in the balls. Hard.

I was too distracted this morning with worrying about Jo that I made loads of mistakes and Caroline at the PR place was not at all happy with me. I told her I’d sort things out in my own time, which I think meant I got away with it.

This afternoon Jo was locked away in her office, and when she left it was obvious she’d been crying again. I wonder what else has happened now. I wish she’d tell me what it was.

Today was bad! Not for me, but because Jo looked terrible. I wondered if it was something I’d said last night because she didn’t speak to me at all. But she didn’t speak to anyone else either.

I had to e-mail her near the end of the day to check I hadn’t done something wrong, and ask if she was okay. I didn’t get a reply and I don’t want to push it if I’m not welcome. It felt a bit sickening, to be honest, because I liked it more when she liked me too.

I wore a clingy top with thin shoulder straps and a low scooping neckline to the start-up, and a pleated skirt and long socks, and I felt like I could have asked any of the men there for anything I wanted. It was warm on the train on the way home so I had my coat off and even managed to find a seat and the guy opposite kept looking up at me, so I did my best to get the shoulder strap to slip down my arm. The top was a bit too clingy to expose much else of me, but it was fun anyway.

Plus the clocks have changed now so it’s light much later. When I got home I had the urge to strip off and prance around the flat naked, at least until I needed to turn the light on. I know the people opposite were home but I don’t know how much they can see in. After a while I didn’t really care, and when it came to dusk I went to the window to draw the curtains and there was a guy walking past on his way home. He got an eyeful for a fraction of a second, and I ended up with a grin on my face!

Then I had a message e-mail from Jo with some links to really awful men on dating sights, and for some reason it just made me so horny. I think I ended up flirting with her a bit, via messenger, and telling her she’d be better off with a nice woman. Maybe I’d even dump Kieran for her. (I’m only joking.) But I stroked myself to a climax pretty quickly and had to stop typing for a minute.

I had lunch with Ha and Jo today, and she seemed so much better. It was great to see, and she was almost giggly at times. I was worried she’d drop me in it for telling her about Ha being a lesbian, but she didn’t even hint at it. Because Ha wasn’t supposed to know about her partner leaving her (and I’d only told her the briefest info anyway) we didn’t talk about it at all.

Ha said it was about time we did something as a group of office girls, and Jo agreed, and then Ha convinced her we should do a Korean massage! I did ask Jo if she knew what one was and she said “of course”, so I guess that’s it now. I emailed Ha afterwards to say she only wanted to do it so she could see Jo naked, and she just said “So? And you’ll be naked too, but we’re all used to that by now.” I stuck my tongue out at her from across the room.

That was even more exciting than I had hoped! I was already feeling like the sexiest woman in the world when I turned up at the bar, because these boots feel amazing, and I walked the whole way wondering if anyone could guess I had virtually nothing on. I’d never have dared if I wasn’t meeting Kieran, and if I’d had more than a five minute walk.

Anyway, we were sat at the back of a bar and Kieran didn’t seem to have any idea I wasn’t wearing anything under the coat, but we were out of sight so at some point I turned towards him, and away from everyone else, and undid one of the buttons and let the lapel fall open a bit. With the amount of cleavage I was showing he guessed there and then that I didn’t have a top on, so I just left it like that, and he kept staring and fidgeting because I think his trousers were getting a bit tight. (I hope they were.)

At some point he put his hand on my thigh and moved it up under my coat, and he kept on going and staring at me as if he couldn’t believe it, because he reached my hip and there was still nothing there. So I couldn’t resist popping open a couple of buttons and giving him a flash of a boob and one side of my body, before collapsing in giggles and having to do the coat back up again.

We left pretty soon afterwards and then when we got home I didn’t give him the chance to jump on me in the hallway as I walked straight to the kitchen, dropped my coat on the way and took a bottle of wine out of the fridge with nothing but the green suede boots on. I think there was someone in the room opposite as I walked through the dining room but I didn’t care who saw me. (Actually, that’s not quite true: I wanted them to.)

I made it as far as the sofa in the front room before Kieran sat beside me, and I was disappointed when he drew the curtains because I knew the couple opposite were home. But there’s one thing I can say: these boots really turned him on! It might be too much detail, but I’ve never felt a man’s tongue between my legs before, and I think it might be the best thing ever. He had his arms wrapped around my boots and I couldn’t have gotten away if I wanted to, and there was no way I wanted to. I came in about a minute, and then we had “regular” sex (or as regular as it gets when you’re wearing thigh boots), and that was almost as amazing.

I’m going to wear these boots a lot more if that’s the reaction I get.

Then on Sunday I got as far as wearing a towel at one point, before Kieran’s arms around me had pushed it out of the way and I was naked again, and that’s how we spent the morning. I quite like it when we’ve got the sex bit out of the way because I like watching his libido coming back again as I sit around in the nude. So finally we had sex again, for the second time that morning, before I waved him out of the door, and he said he never thought he’d be able to leave a house with a beautiful naked woman but he really had to get home. I was wondering if I was in love before, but now I think this is it for sure.

First time seeing Kieran for two weeks later! He’s seeing his parents most of the day but we’re meeting for a drink and then come back to mine. And I’ve already decided and am determined not to back out of thigh boots and coat and nothing else, and my skin’s already tingling just thinking about it. I can’t wait for the moment when he realises.

I had the start-ups office party this evening, and I think I misjudged it slightly! I wore trousers and a top to work but took a dress in with me. It was one I hadn’t dared to wear for years, because it had tiny straps and there was no way to wear a bra underneath it (or maybe only a strapless bra, which is much less comfortable than no bra at all). And of course, that was the only thing I wore except a pair of black heels, and I felt pretty damn hot when I turned up.

So imagine how weird I felt when I saw a room full of men in suits and women in their casual work gear! I looked like I was going to the opera or something. The good thing was I got plenty of male attention, and quite a few jealous looks from the women, and was asked so many times who I was with and nobody could believe I was the accountant. I guess I destroyed a few stereotypes. Richard said something a bit creepy about how much they looked forward to seeing me every Tuesday to whip them into shape.

It was pretty cold by the time I got home and I had goose bumps all over my legs, which is not a good look. But I managed to give my business card out to a few people so I hope the dress is worth it!

I can’t seem to take my eyes of Ellie when I’m at the PR company. Today she was in a short jumper dress, tights and boots, and she kept on having to pull the dress down her legs as she was sitting in her chair. It was even shorter than the skirts I wear! And she’s prettier than me too.

When I got back to the office Jo was talking to Rachel and they seemed to be having a right old laugh and suddenly I felt insanely jealous. Then I remembered the dream where the two of them were going to get married and I wondered if I was such a bad person that I felt threatened by Rachel. I did say she reminded me of how I was a few years back. And she’s another one that’s prettier than me!

I texted Kieran when I got home because I wanted to feel like someone was paying attention to me but he seemed to be out, since he didn’t reply before I went to bed. All in all a pretty crap day!

I told Jo about being invited to the party and she said I should ask Brian if I should go because he was my boss, which I’d almost forgotten about. Brian said it sounded great and I had to make a good impression if I met potential clients. I’d forgotten that I’d have to be on best behaviour, so perhaps my usual half-naked look won’t be quite right.

Jo sent me a few dating site candidates again today, but none of them were serious. She’s going through a kind of gallows humour stage saying that all she has to look forward to is a dumpy man in a suit. I couldn’t resist sending her some lesbian dating website in return, and then she sent me a couple of the girls on there! I was expecting more stereotypes, actually, but some of them looked quite nice. And at least they were looking for women their same age, not trying to hook up with schoolgirls in an effort to make themselves feel young again. (Honestly, those profiles really annoyed me!)