I had my lunch with Jo today and told her about the corporate tax thing I wanted to get into. It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, because she said it wasn’t really something anyone in the office had expertise in, not at that level, and anyway I had to be careful because it was an ear where people really skirted the law. She said she’d heard about some people being really successful, but others had struggled if they didn’t mind bending a few rules, and reputation was everything in our industry – and in that sector the only good reputation you could get was to say “yes” to everything the client asked for and overlook a principles, and maybe even a few laws, while you were doing it.

It hasn’t put me off but I’ve got to think of my options. She said the best thing for me to do was to keep working on these lower level accounts and see what direction attracted me along the way, because I had a good future at the firm. That part was promising, because I told her that I’d been recommended to get a mentor and I said I’d really appreciate it if she could be that person. She said she could be for a while, if it only meant having a catch-up every now and again, but ideally I should find someone I don’t work with so they can remain impartial. She joked that I couldn’t exactly complain about my boss to my mentor if they were the same person, but then I can’t imagine ever complaining about Jo.

Anyway, we’re going to have lunch once a month to chat, which can only be a good thing.

Mel messaged to say she was having a party at her place on Saturday night for some close friends and she wanted me to help out. I said I would and she said she had catering provided and drink was being delivered but I would need to welcome people, keep the waiting staff in order and generally make sure that it all went smoothly. It didn’t really sound like the kind of thing I’d be particularly good at, but I definitely owe Mel for Monday night, and maybe if I hang around after the party something fun will happen (because it’s all I can think about at the moment).

I felt very energetic for Pilates because of all that, but I was almost bursting out of my clothes when I got home. It’s been nearly a week and a half since my last orgasm! I can’t believe Mel is putting me through this.

I texted Mel today to say how grateful I was for last night’s session and how I owed her a lot of time because we talked for over three hours and there’s no way I can do that much accounting for her in one night. She replied and said she was glad I found it useful and she might have some other way I can repay her, and it made my body tingle because it sounded kind of like fun.

At lunch Ha asked me how it went with Mel and I think I blushed but I said we only talked for about three hours. Ha just raised her eyebrows, but I can’t believe she’d ever even imagine what’s really going on.

I’ve been thinking about career and stuff and realised that I really enjoy a lot of corporate tax accounting stuff. Yeah, I know that sounds weird to any non-accountants, but it really is interesting, but you’ll have to take my word for it. Anyway, I’ve been looking into it a bit more and I think it’s something I can get into while still doing my current job so that’s what I’m going to talk to Jo about.

It was my second life-coaching session with Mel tonight, and boy did it get personal.

I was feeling so slinky that I got out of everything except for my tightly buttoned coat and boots in the office toilets and made my way to Mel’s feeling like I could just burst out of these clothes any minute. Except it was a bit cold for that and even under the coat I was quite chilly, and Mel’s corridor was a little more so and I was shivering a little as she made me wait outside her door with my coat over my arm.

I’m lucky that no-one’s found me that way so far, and was soon as I was inside I took off my boots and followed her into the office and sat in the chair opposite the desk. Mel said that although we didn’t have time for Pilates she wanted to improve my posture while she talked, and she took out something that she said was good for my back but was definitely more like the kind of things I’d seen in various pictures I’d been looking at over the weekend.

First, a thick leather collar went around my neck. It had metal hooks all around it, and then a pair of leather cuffs went around my wrists, and finally a leather strap went from the hook on the back of my neck to the wrist cuffs. There was basically no other way to sit than very upright with my shoulders back and my chest pushed out. I had even less movement than the previous metal cuffs and chains I had worn before and I felt even more at Mel’s mercy.

She sat opposite me in black leggings and a figure-hugging cardigan and began to ask me some intensely personal questions. It got very quickly to my desires and my, um, exhibitionist tendencies. I think partly because I was physically at Mel’s mercy I just opened up straight away, so when she asked if I got a sexual thrill from being seen naked I had to admit I did, even if it wasn’t just that. She asked me about times when it was the most intense and I told her about the canal trip last year, when we were out in the middle of nowhere and I didn’t even have clothes with me, and a couple of times when I’ve been out for a walk by myself with just a coat on.

I ended up telling her about lots of times with Kieran and how I liked it when he’d undressed me by surprise, and she said that it sounded like the thrill of discovery and being out of control were big parts of it, which was true, because I don’t really get a buzz from being naked at home in the same way, although I still prefer it. I also told her that it was much easier being naked in front of strangers than it was in front of people that knew me.

I told her that I was always embarrassed about new people finding out about me, though, and that although I always fantasise about sitting naked at work I know I’d never do it. Mel said that with my profession she could understand that, but never to try to second-guess what people may or may not accept, because I’d almost always be surprised. I know she’s right, but I can’t imagine Jo approving of me working in the nude!

Then we got onto work a bit, and she said I needed to work out a plan (which is what Jo had told me!) and the key to it was to find a mentor and someone senior who’d fight for my career in the office. I told her that Jo already did that, and straight away she asked me to describe her, and asked me if I had a crush on her. I admitted I did, or I had, but it was silly because she was quite a bit older because she was nearly forty. Then Mel told me that she was past her mid-thirties, which really shocked me, so did that mean I didn’t think she was attractive.

I was quite embarrassed telling her that, no, it didn’t mean that, because Mel is very attractive indeed, and I still can’t believe she’s that old. I guess with dark skin it can be hard to tell as the sun doesn’t age her as quickly. I’m jealous.

Then the conversation got back to Jo, and I said I had sort of fancied her, and even had dreams about her, but I thought she was very much straight. Mel asked me if I was very much straight, and I had to admit that I thought I was, but maybe I wasn’t after all, and Mel said I had to consider that straight and gay weren’t as black and white as I thought they were. I sort of knew that, but I kind of assume other people are either one or the other, even if I’m not entirely sure about myself any more.

I asked if she thought I should try to seduce Jo, and she laughed, because it was a silly suggestion, but said definitely not, because she wanted Jo to be on my side for the long-term, and even if anything happened between us it would only be a fling. And most likely Jo would reject me straight off because it’s too complicated if we’re in the same office and she’s my boss, regardless of anything else. I know she’s right, but for some reason I didn’t like to hear it.

It seemed like we were talking for hours and my back was getting tired from the “posture correction”, and then when Mel looked at the clock it was nearly ten!

It was only when she unbuckled me and I rubbed my wrists and put my coat back on that I realised nothing physical had happened between us, yet somehow all the talking left me kind of drained. But now I’m back home and have eaten a little I’m disappointed because she only touched me to put the cuffs and collar on.

And the real bummer was she said I’d never push myself into anything if I had an easy way out, and that meant no masturbating for the week because I was only really going to get to know myself when I confronted my sexual tension head-on. I don’t even understand that, but I can’t believe I have to go a whole week!

I went to see my mum today and had lunch there. She asked me if I was seeing anyone (and of course I’m not) but she always knows when I’m not quite telling the truth, but left it there anyway. Other than that it was a day of household chores (which are definitely better naked, but still boring) and catching up on some box sets that I’d heard were good.

Now I have to try to get to sleep when I’m already wondering what’s going to happen tomorrow.

It was drizzling for the park run this morning but Mel was still there, bounding easily into the distance like usual, and then we left the park together and walked for a minute or two and I felt a bit odd trying to make chit-chat to her.

I haven’t done much else today but am feeling so turned on by just thinking about seeing Mel again on Monday that I’ve ended up reading erotic stories and watching some short videos on the web, and now I know a bit more about bondage than I did before. Being tied up looks incredibly hot, but such hard work that I can’t believe anyone ever does it that neatly.

I went out for a quick drink with some of the work girls because I thought it’d good to get out, but really I just wanted to get home and feel sexy in nothing but my own skin. I couldn’t resist messaging Ellie, but I only asked her how things were going and how the dating was working out. Although I wasn’t sure if I was actually flirting with her before it was fun to play around on the edge.

I seem to be managing Tim as well as Rachel now, which is sort of fun as he gets really shy the more flirty I get. And because of Mel’s rules I’m feeling very flirty right now! And I’ve got a lunch meeting with Jo next week to talk more about career stuff.

The thing with work at the moment is it’s one of the few places that I can’t just get naked and free, so I’m waiting until home time so I can dump my clothes in the hallway. This evening I went and pulled the curtains after I got in and Alison across the road waved to me, and it’s funny that now even my neighbours don’t seem to care too much about me being nude!

I sort of did it today, in that I told Ha that Mel was going to be doing some life-coaching for me and in return I’d be doing her tax returns. She just said that she knew Mel liked me the first time we’d met, but I don’t how because all I remember was that she was shocked and asked me lots of questions, and the second time we met she almost seemed a bit cold towards me. I’m not sure Mel is right, but then I guess she must like me in some way otherwise I can’t believe I’d be sitting naked in her apartment every week.

I had a meeting with Jo today and she said I needed to think about what I wanted to do with my future career. I was worried for a second, but she said there were lots of directions I could take but I’d need to start working towards something now. It seems like everyone’s giving me advice at the moment! I guess I should just try and listen.

And if I wasn’t sucker for enough punishment, I even made it to Pilates this evening. It was an intense abs session and I can feel it’s going to hurt tomorrow…

I really should say something to Ha about seeing Mel but I don’t know where to start, and more importantly I don’t know where to stop. How do I explain that I seem to have slipped into being some kind of sub relationship whilst at the same time doing the accounts? So I still haven’t said anything, but Ha did ask me if I was seeing anyone and I had to say I wasn’t, because I’m still not sure if I even am.

But then I’m still at home with a grin on my face thinking about it all, and if Mel hadn’t told me I wasn’t allowed to masturbate during the week I’d be doing exactly that right now.