I inflicted some extra Pilates on myself today (on my own at home), because I feel I need to really slim down and tone up for my routine. I still can’t really believe it’s going to happen. I did it in the front room, in the nude, knowing full well that Alison and Russ were at home across the room. A lot of it is done on the floor and out of sight, but they would definitely get an eyeful of my body as I stretched and lunged.

I was both tired and turned on by the end of it, but since Mel has forbidden any “self-love” I couldn’t do anything about it!

And still no word from Mark, so I guess we’re not doing anything! That’s one hope dashed.

I dutifully did the park run this morning, and Mel asked me how the preparation was going. I didn’t have to ask what she meant, but I said I’d just been watching the video (which I had) and was making a list of things I needed. She said I shouldn’t leave it too late, which is true, but the thing is: as soon as I start buying all those things it’s going to seem very real, and at the moment it’s far enough away that I don’t really have to believe it’s going to happen.

Anyway, I spent the afternoon looking at strapless corsets (that unfasten easily at the back, which has not been easy, and it turns out that what I actually need is called a bustier), short dresses (that unfasten easily at the side), garters (that just unfasten easily), suspenders (that come off easily)… you get the picture. All I actually have is knickers, stockings and shoes. I even need to buy a strapless bra for under the corset. Thankfully a lot of that kind of stuff is cheaper than you’d think, if you’re not too worried about quality material. I’ll probably be okay as long as I don’t stand too close to a naked flame.

I’ve place the order, though, and it should arrive next week.

And just like that the first month of the year is almost over! I don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything at all. It’s probably a good job I didn’t really make any New Year resolutions (despite Sarah saying I had!) otherwise I would have broken them already, because I’ve done absolutely nothing productive.

Hopefully Monday with Mel will cover some serious ground, because everyone seems to be moving forwards at the moment and I’m just standing still.

I was brave enough to send a message to Mark’s mobile number asking him if he fancied doing anything at the weekend. I said that if he didn’t remember me I’m the girl who always seems to be missing most of an outfit. No reply yet, which is making me anxious. I’m not even sure if I’m massively keen on him, but he’s the best prospect I’ve had for quite some time.

I did have my hopes up when a message arrived, but it was from Ellie, which is still nice. She was asking if, now January was nearly over, I wanted to meet up with her and Stephen one evening, and perhaps I could bring someone. I’ll wait until Mark replies before I try and fix up a date, because I’d much rather go along with someone else than be the gooseberry.

Not much going on today except work and Pilates. It’s a busy time of year with all the personal tax returns as we do a lot of them for directors of the companies we manage. It’s nowhere near as busy as March when most of the companies file but it’s more disorganised. At least I’ve had practice at Mel’s, although it’s nowhere near as fun when you’re not tied up!

I needed a quieter day today, and it was a busy one at work. Managing Rachel and Tim’s time takes up more of mine than I expected!

I still have my “performance” on my mind too. I’ve been watching the video a few times and started looking for clothing. The good(ish) news is that I seem to be shrinking, in breast size at least: I tried on some of the underwear I bought last year and I only just fill it! I suppose they were C-cups, which is bigger than I was five years ago, but I thought I’d never go back! Now I have to decide if I’d buy a B if I bought some more or just stick with the C’s.

Plus, now I’ve seen the video some more, I guess I’ll have to mime something when she takes off her bra and knickers. At least I get to keep those on! And I’m only going to have a chair as a prop, so I guess I’ll have to improvise.

I can’t believe that I’m actually considering this.