Sorry if it’s disappointing news, but yesterday night did not turn into a threesome. But it was a nice evening nonetheless.

Because I still harboured hopes that it would, I got out of my clothes in the office (toilets), put my coat and boots back on and made my way with Ha to her place. I think she knew already, but she still had a definite little smile when I took the coat off in their hallway. Then I asked if I should take my boots off, because I was feeling all kinds of kinky, and said it was up to her because it I was a guest and had to follow her house rules. She just said “don’t give me ideas” (which is exactly what I was trying to do) but said I should take my boots off and make myself comfortable.

I love the attention I get from those two when I’m naked with them, but for the first time I really was wishing (or maybe craving) for something more to happen. We ordered a takeaway and had a few glasses of wine, and sat and chatted. They asked what happened to “your friend Ellie”, and I told them we were still in touch but she had a boyfriend now. Lily said that was a shame as she had possibly misplaced hopes that there would be something between us, rather than have me try to pick up some lame guy again. Then said “no offence” to Ha, because my last “lame guy” was her childhood friend, but Ha agreed he was pretty lame when it came to how he’d treated me. I resisted asking if they were in touch because I don’t want to know: either I’ve ruined their friendship, or Ha is still friends with the guy that betrayed my trust. Neither is good.

I may have done a bad thing, though, because after loosening up a bit from alcohol I let slip that I’d been seeing Mel for life coaching, and doing her accounts, and straight away Ha asked if I did those in the nude too and I went so red I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t tell her about the ropes and chains, but then Lily said Mel was the one who sort of got them into. I can never work out with those two which of them would be the dominant one, because from the way Ha talks it sounds like Lily, but then Lily ends up sitting cross-legged on the floor on these kinds of evenings, leant up against Ha’s chair like she’s almost some kind of subject of her queen. I didn’t dare ask anyway.

I even ended up sitting on the floor cross-legged after a while, which is a pretty big deal for a naked woman, and Ha and Lily kept glancing across at me (because it would be impossible not to) but still didn’t get the invite. If I could have taught my vagina to say “come and get me” it couldn’t have been more obvious.

Then the evening ended and I had to go home, so I booked a car (which is extravagant) because I didn’t want to put everything back on and I didn’t want to walk anywhere in just my coat and boots.

Running with Mel was doubly hard after the late night. She asked me about the website again and I told her I hadn’t even looked (which isn’t true), and she said I should go through the archives because there’s lots of interesting stuff there.

I’m not sure if whatever she has planned is working, to be honest.

Just a quick post as I’m going to Ha’s and Lily’s tonight. On the one hand I’ve been fantasising about it turning into some kind of threesome, but on the other I don’t think I could face Ha in the office if it did! I’m ready to burst, though.

I had lunch with Ha today and was so desperate to tell her about Mel, and our arrangement, but I just can’t help but feel it’s too late. Plus it’s kind of embarrassing that I’m taking orders, and not even getting anything in return. But I feel like Mel has a plan and if I don’t follow it through then I’ll ruin it.

I’ve been invited to their place after work on Friday, though, just to hang out with her and Lily and get a takeaway and gossip. It has been a while since we all hung out together, and who knows: maybe I’ll do or say anything to try and seduce them by then?

I was so frustrated last night that when I got in I actually went to the website that Mel wanted me to post the photos on. The only good part was that to see images you had to create an account and log in (which I did), and it was quite a community when I got there. Not like I expected at all, actually, but a few like-minded women and, obviously, lots of men commenting on any pictures. Some people did seem to post photos of themselves either naked or near naked and seemed quite shy about it, but they always got nice responses. Mostly they weren’t even hiding their faces either.

It would be a big step, though, because if I was recognised (and I could be easily recognised from Mel’s photos) it could be a black mark against my career. I’m less worried about any future boyfriend seeing me, because I’d guess that anyone who was looking for those photos was already into that kind of thing, so it’s almost like a pre-screening!

Mel sent me a message to ask if I’d posted the photos yet, and I said no, because I couldn’t go through with it. She didn’t reply.

Pilates was hard work tonight, after missing three weeks because of all the holidays, and even my added energy didn’t really help. But at least it was a distraction.

Last night I dreamt I was tied up by Mel again. It was early morning in the office, and then she had to go and left me tied at the wrists, knees and ankles in the chair, just like I had been at her place. And then everyone started to arrive, and I couldn’t even move to hide, and then Tim came and started asking me questions about work and Ha said it was very brave of me to finally show my true self in the office.

Then I was called into a meeting but obviously I couldn’t walk there, so Matthew said he’d carry me, so he put his arms underneath my legs and lifted. His shirt was rubbing on my bare skin and then he moved his hand to get a better grip and ended up pressing you-know-where and I made a moaning sound and was about to have an orgasm… and then I woke up, still about to have an orgasm. And not able to do anything about it.

I was horny all day at work and starting to wonder if I could just randomly pick someone up to let my frustration out.