Sorry if it’s disappointing news, but yesterday night did not turn into a threesome. But it was a nice evening nonetheless.

Because I still harboured hopes that it would, I got out of my clothes in the office (toilets), put my coat and boots back on and made my way with Ha to her place. I think she knew already, but she still had a definite little smile when I took the coat off in their hallway. Then I asked if I should take my boots off, because I was feeling all kinds of kinky, and said it was up to her because it I was a guest and had to follow her house rules. She just said “don’t give me ideas” (which is exactly what I was trying to do) but said I should take my boots off and make myself comfortable.

I love the attention I get from those two when I’m naked with them, but for the first time I really was wishing (or maybe craving) for something more to happen. We ordered a takeaway and had a few glasses of wine, and sat and chatted. They asked what happened to “your friend Ellie”, and I told them we were still in touch but she had a boyfriend now. Lily said that was a shame as she had possibly misplaced hopes that there would be something between us, rather than have me try to pick up some lame guy again. Then said “no offence” to Ha, because my last “lame guy” was her childhood friend, but Ha agreed he was pretty lame when it came to how he’d treated me. I resisted asking if they were in touch because I don’t want to know: either I’ve ruined their friendship, or Ha is still friends with the guy that betrayed my trust. Neither is good.

I may have done a bad thing, though, because after loosening up a bit from alcohol I let slip that I’d been seeing Mel for life coaching, and doing her accounts, and straight away Ha asked if I did those in the nude too and I went so red I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t tell her about the ropes and chains, but then Lily said Mel was the one who sort of got them into. I can never work out with those two which of them would be the dominant one, because from the way Ha talks it sounds like Lily, but then Lily ends up sitting cross-legged on the floor on these kinds of evenings, leant up against Ha’s chair like she’s almost some kind of subject of her queen. I didn’t dare ask anyway.

I even ended up sitting on the floor cross-legged after a while, which is a pretty big deal for a naked woman, and Ha and Lily kept glancing across at me (because it would be impossible not to) but still didn’t get the invite. If I could have taught my vagina to say “come and get me” it couldn’t have been more obvious.

Then the evening ended and I had to go home, so I booked a car (which is extravagant) because I didn’t want to put everything back on and I didn’t want to walk anywhere in just my coat and boots.

Running with Mel was doubly hard after the late night. She asked me about the website again and I told her I hadn’t even looked (which isn’t true), and she said I should go through the archives because there’s lots of interesting stuff there.

I’m not sure if whatever she has planned is working, to be honest.