I’m so frustrated by this celibacy thing and I don’t know why it’s so hard! It’s only been a week as well, or 8 days if anyone’s counting (and I am).

But apart from that it was good to do have a day to myself, quietly, and do some chores, and sit and read in the nude (but under a blanket).

I swear I saw the guy opposite walking around in the nude again, and the woman was definitely there this time.

Last night was kind of wild, but in a remarkably sober way, because I hardly drank anything.

I went back to Ha’s with her after work and we ate something quick while working on costumes. Ha’s skeleton was an opaque black body stocking (which fitted her amazingly well) with the white skeleton bones stuck on. Lily’s vampire was a very sexy black number with a cape, bright red lipstick and dark eyes. My zombie costume, however, was a group effort.

Obviously, the first thing I had to do was undress, and as I stood naked in their kitchen they daubed me with a mixture of green (because apparently I was a mouldy zombie), and a few bits of red and purple for bruises. I questioned why they needed to do me all over and received an ominous “you never know”.

Actually, when I put the nightdress back on the effect was pretty good. But it didn’t stop there, because they both took to a pair of scissors and my nightdress as veritably shredded. I did, however, get a pair of long white socks to wear, which were then stained with red to look like blood.

It was quite judiciously shredded, mind, but the cuts down the left hand side, enhanced with a bit of tearing from both of them, meant half my midriff and hip exposed. And there were cuts and tears at the bottom, and part of the neckline drooped down, and a big gaping hole rather too close to my left nipple. But it was going to be pretty obvious to anyone who looked at all closely that I had nothing whatsoever on underneath.

I couldn’t see the back, but I could feel how much air there was on my skin. They told me I was decent, but maybe don’t stand in any strong winds. I made a mental note.

Anyway, I put my trainers and coat on and we took a cab to the party.

There were some great costumes there but I can’t deny that I turned a few heads, because the nightdress was barely hanging from my body. I wondered if there were any bits you could see through entirely if I stood or walked in particular ways.

I didn’t know anyone else there but I had a few good chats, the funniest of which was with a slightly posh boy called Harrison who kept glancing down at my body (which was fine, since half of it was showing, and he was quite cute), and he suddenly said: “Sorry, I’m finding it really distracting that your nipple’s poking out.” I looked down and he was right: the hole by my left breast and moved a few inches to the right and my nipple was well and truly stuck through it.

I laughed and readjusted, and then we had a good old chat about my costume, or lack of, and I was half-hoping the nipple would poke back out again by itself. He seemed more embarrassed by it than I did, although obviously not so much that we didn’t carry on talking, so I got him to show me how much of my back was exposed with his fingers. I almost jump when he touched the top of my button and then traced a line all the way up to my shoulder blade. I didn’t realise just how much the two girls had cut out from there!

Then we were interrupted by Ha and despite how much skin I was showing I felt upstaged by her cute black figure. She put an arm across my shoulders and asked Harrison if he liked the costume, and he asked which one, so I think I lost him there. Ha said the great thing about my costume was that it was a work in progress, and then I felt a sharp tug and she pulled one of the hanging strips hard down and lengthened it another couple of inches, almost down to where they’d cut upwards from the hem. It meant the left side was flapping half open and I had to hold it shut with my hand. I would have complained at her but I knew if she thought it bothered me she’d do it even more.

So I had to spend the next hour with my left side bare from waist to armpit and only my hand on my front to stop my boob from falling out of the side. That didn’t stop Ha from teasing me with a little tear here and a little tear there, and I dreaded just how much of me was showing now.

I was angling to leave and we were talking to some guy called Mark (I think) and I blushed when he said I had by far the sexiest costume here, and the only one that kept getting better through the night. I said we had to go, and said he hoped to see me next year, but the only way it could be any more sexy was if I wore no costume at all. Of course, Ha said “why wait until next year?” and with an enormous tear she split the rest of the left hand side open and hung gaping from armpit to thigh.

I had to hold both halves with my hands to cover anything, and just in time the host (Rebecca) found me my coat, which I managed to get into very carefully one arm at a time.

Ha was giggling about it in the cab back and I think I had a lucky escape, because she seemed pretty drunk and might have gone further if we hadn’t left. But no harm done and it was really funny.

Although when I got dropped off at my place I had to shower the green away, and then I really wanted to masturbate. But I thought Mel: I’ve made it this far, I can make it two more days, until I see Mel. It made for a slightly restless sleep.

So a bit tired, but not hungover, I went to the park run. Mel asked me if I’d had a good week, and I shrugged, and then asked me if I’d been good, and I knew what she meant and I nodded. She said “Good, because we’ve got to work some things out on Monday.” I don’t know what that means but it could be good. Or it could be bad.

I brought my night dress into work, and now I’m feeling a bit excited about wearing that (and nothing else, except some shoes) to someone’s party. I brought trainers because for some reason they seem more like a zombie would wear than my work shoes. I know that doesn’t make much sense.

I asked Ha what she was going as a skeleton and Lily was going to be a vampire, so collectively we had the undead covered. I’m not sure I’m entirely looking forward to it!

I tell you what, nothing makes me masturbate more than trying not to! It’s only been less than a week and now I’m feeling like I want to rub myself up against the nearest tree, lamppost or even vaguely attractive commuter on my way into or home from work.

Also, a new guy joined at work who looks quite nice. He’s called Tim and I think he’s a little younger than me, but not much. I was only briefly introduced to him and I saw him glance at my blouse (which, of course, was slightly unbuttoned) so hopefully he’s single. Or maybe I can just have a good flirt with him. To be honest, anything goes at the moment. The strange thing was he asked me if we’d met before because I looked familiar and I’m as sure as can be that we haven’t, but he seemed really convinced that we had. Maybe my memory’s going in my old age.

Ha has also decided on a costume for me tomorrow night. Apparently I’m to be a zombie, so all I need to bring to work is an old night-dress, and she says the older the better because they’ll be ruining it in the name of authenticity before we go around to her friends place for eight o’clock.

I’ve been invited to a Halloween party on Friday night with Ha and Lily at one of their friends. I’m not big on Halloween but it should be fun, but I have to make sure not to drink too much before the park run on Saturday morning. I can still have one or two, of course, but I need to be fresh for Mel!

Also: forty-eight hours without masturbating, even though at Pilates tonight it was all I could think about.

I didn’t masturbate last night, but I had a really intense dream with Mel and Ellie at a nightclub, but I was naked and they were just sitting on bar stools and watching me dance. My god it was a turn on, and then thinking about what Mel said and not being able to do anything about it made it even worse.

Somehow I had a load of energy at work today, though.