Ha asked me today if I’d had any more threesomes this weekend! I hope nobody heard. But she said we’re well overdue an evening together, which is true, and suggested Saturday, but I think I might still be rehearsing on Saturday, and I don’t want to try and do it with a hangover, so I said it would have to be the weekend after. She said something about fine, if I have better friends, then they could come first. She’s very cheeky sometimes.

At Mel’s this evening it was my last chance to rehearse with feedback. Mel was actually quite nice to me too, and said I’d really progressed, and it was going to be a big success, and that I looked amazing, both dressed and nearly naked, and it would be a night nobody would forget. It sort of made me cry a bit, because it’s been really tense the past few weeks.

Then as a celebration, while I was standing in nothing but heels, nipple pasties and the c-string jammed into my bits, Mel poured us both a glass of wine and then said, fuck it, let’s order sushi, so she did. And of course, she made me answer the door, and the poor guy really didn’t know where to look, and I felt like hiding but then realised that a whole pub full of people would see me like this on Sunday so maybe I had to get used to it.

I actually would have been more comfortable naked with Mel as that c-string thing isn’t very comfortable, but it is a little bit stimulating all the time. It just felt weird to ask if I could pull it off. And then I ended up going home with just my coat on over it all and feeling like an oddball as I found myself in front of the hall mirror with the nipple pasties on. I can’t tell if I it’s just me that thinks it looks silly because I’m looking at my own reflection or if everyone will think I look silly. That almost terrifies me more than the thought of being near to naked in a pub within walking distance of home.

The butterflies are nearly constant in my stomach now.

Eek! Only one week until cabaret night at the pub! So I panic-rehearsed today. And I’m also getting more doubtful about the whole idea, because I’ve realised that it’s so close to home that there’s a good chance of people recognising me out on the streets! I mean, being naked is daunting enough, but being nearly naked and recognised really terrifies me.

And then this evening I had a message in an inbox on the website with my pictures. It was from someone called “ENFBoyfriend” (which doesn’t sound too creepy, I don’t think) and he (I presume) was very nice about the pictures, and said I was very brave, and asked if I was going to upload any more! I’m still on the fence about that last part.

I haven’t replied yet because I really don’t want to look too keen.

I made it to the run this morning, and set a new best time! It helped that the ground isn’t quite as waterlogged as it has been. Mel said it showed progress, but now I had to take another minute off that… She, of course, is a good few minutes faster.

She asked me if I was meeting my threesome friends this weekend. I wish I was, but unfortunately nothing fun is planned at all. In fact, today was the opposite of fun, as I had to stay in this afternoon to meet a builder to look at the leaking roof. And he didn’t turn up until after five o’clock, because he said he’d come from another job. And to top it all off, he says the ceiling is close to going completely, because the leak has been there for ages, and they’ll need to replace part of the roof, and the ceiling, and that’ll mean scaffolding out the back and an unusable kitchen for a week! Plus it’ll cost a few thousand pounds.

Not a good day all-in-all.

No plans at all this evening! So I came home. But I’m getting a bit addicted to seeing how many people are looking at my photos online, and what they’re saying.

And then in a bit of a rush of enthusiasm I replied to one, and owned up to them… Not under my real name, of course. But I said they were me, but I wouldn’t say where I lived or where they were taken, and I thanked someone for saying nice things. It was kind of exhilarating, and now I’m thinking again about uploading those other photos. I mean, they’re really embarrassing, if they got out, but the ones already on there are too. I sort of feel like I’ve held out long enough and now I can show Mel I’m in charge by doing it at a time of my own choosing.

I’ll sleep on it.

I had a one-to-one with Jo today. She wants me to take on managing another couple of people on top of Tim and Rachel, which is good, and I realised that I’m way behind on trying to get my career on track. Mel had me writing things down but that’s all gone out of the window with this cabaret night thing. And there I was thinking we weren’t achieving anything!

I was feeling flirty again and I said it would be nice to go out for a more informal friendly chat sometime, so we’re doing that next week, whenever Jo finds a clear evening.