Running is really hard work! And not at all sexy! I need more sports bras.

I was only following an NHS podcast and there’s hardly any running involved, with lots of walking in between, but my legs ache now. I was out early(ish) for Sunday and there were other runners about (and they were actually running), and when I got back I had a shower and then ended up collapsing on the sofa and just lay there, naked and tired and watching a Sunday morning cooking programme.

I hadn’t pulled the curtains so when I finally got around to moving I peered out of the window and saw my neighbours opposite. I had to crawl out of the front room so they couldn’t see me! Which is silly, since it’s my own flat: why can’t I be naked in it if I want?

Anyway, I made a decision today: now I knew Matthew was unavailable, I would flirt with him as freely as if he were my best and gayest friend who would never in a million years be interested. It would be good practice.

Retail therapy might be the best cure for a lovesick heart (and it’s not like I was even that hot on Matthew anyway), but shopping for running shoes really isn’t it. I was in trousers and a top and no underwear and they asked me to go on a treadmill to check my gait and recommend the right trainers for me. I’ve never been on a treadmill before and as well as hanging on for half of it my boobs were bouncing everywhere. There are times when underwear really makes a lot of sense.

Anyway, between those and leggings and running tops I came away about three hundred pounds poorer. I’ll go out and try the new gear tomorrow, I promise.

I ended up going out to get lunch with Matthew. It wasn’t on purpose, we just left the office at the same time. I was feeling suddenly brave so I asked him if he was coming out for a drink this evening. I felt a bit sick when he told me he was going to meet his fiancée. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend and just said “ok, another time,” in a very pathetic way.

I didn’t go out for a drink either and I was surprised I was actually disappointed when I got home. I think I ate too much chocolate.

Ha asked me if I’d started running yet. I said obviously not and pinched the roll around my midriff. She said if I hadn’t started by next week there’d be trouble.

I bumped into Jo in the stairwell and just the thought of the dream I’d had of her made me blush.

My mind is well and truly messed up, as I dreamt that Jo and Matthew were getting married! Ha was going to be a bridesmaid and I wasn’t even invited to the wedding. It didn’t make me feel good as I went to work!

It was also Pilates day, which meant sports bra and sturdy underwear.

It was weirdly warm and humid today, so I went back to boots and skirt. But then I did something a bit more daring and just had a new sweater on my top half. The wool felt really nice on my nipples.

The problem was that the office heating was on overdrive from the week before. It didn’t really seem to work on a thermostat and someone said building maintenance were the only ones who could turn it down. I was baking hot as I sat at my desk and was fanning myself with a notepad when Matthew came over and told me about it. He suggested I should take my sweater off and it made my stomach do backflips… I had to admit I had nothing on underneath. I don’t think he knew I meant nothing at all, but he said he doubted anyone would mind and it made me blush. I said maybe if it was just us in the office I would, and then I blushed even more, and so did he… I can’t believe I said that.

I felt really shy today at work, as if somehow someone would find out about my dream on Saturday night. But I wore one of my new tops, and long socks and a skirt again. The novelty of no underwear has worn off a bit.

I told Ha about Pilates at lunchtime and how I really wanted a flat tummy. She said I should take up running to burn more calories, if I wanted to… not that I was fat or anything… Thankfully she’s too nice and we both giggled about her putting her foot in it. Anyway, she said she did 5k runs a couple of times a week and then she lifted her blouse up and my god was her waist thin. It was the best sales pitch ever.

Of course, procrastination got the better of me and I’ll have to buy some trainers and running gear at the weekend so I can’t possibly start today. Which is a relief.

I had the most embarrassing dream last night. I was in Jo’s office but completely naked, and I had to explain why I’d missed a deadline and she said we’d have to go and explain it to the client, and then I followed her through the office with everyone staring at me. And then suddenly we were standing on the tube and all these clothed bodies were pressed against me and for some reason Jo put her hand on my breast… I was so horny when I woke up there was only one thing for it, of course.

It’s weird because I’ve never dreamt about a woman before, not like that. I thought I’d be too old to go through that kind of a phase.

I seem to spend every Saturday shopping for new clothes now, which is ironic given that I’m wearing less… But I made today an adventurous day, so I wore long socks and a shorter skirt. They only just overlapped, and I flashed a bit of thigh when I sat on the tube. I saw some guy looking and pretended not to notice, but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Thankfully there were no mishaps and I kept my knees tight together.

I was only buying a selection of new tops anyway, including some sweaters and cardigans. Winter is coming and all that.

I was in such a good mood today I tried the long socks for the first time. With no underwear. I had a long-ish skirt, of course, and ankle boots, and then a light blue blouse, and no bra, and then a cardigan and coat.

Jo sent a message to all the women in the office asking if we went out for evening drinks. Helen on reception replied that we don’t often but she’d like to.

It was funny, because suddenly more of the men wanted to come out too. I get the feeling they’re looking at us all a little differently now that Jo’s around, and it’s suddenly like we’ve all had a promotion (just without the pay rise).

I only stayed for a couple of drinks and spent most of the time enchanted by Jo’s anecdotes of past work experiences and what it was like when she was “younger”. I think with the long socks clinging to my thighs I was a little bit overwhelmed by it all.