What a night! What an experience!

I should really be in bed, but I’m now too hyper to sleep, so I’ll write about it all.

Well, I met Mel at the pub, and, from the top down/outside in, I had feather coat, feather boa, little sparkly dress, choker, corset, suspender belt, elbow gloves, knickers, stockings, heels, nipple pasties and the c-string thing. I felt both ridiculous and amazing.

I was so nervous and Mel said I could have one drink in the pub, but no more as I needed to keep my coordination. She was right, because a drunken fall when half-naked would not be a good thing.

We were already getting plenty of stares because Mel was in a slinky dress but we’d given our coats to Elise at the bar and my little pink number didn’t cover much at all. I already felt good.

I have no idea what happened for the first half an hour because I was just too nervous. And then I got called up by the compere (who was a man in drag, because there seem to be a lot of men who are into this).

So I took my coat off and put it on the back of the chair and I could hardly walk to the stage.

I started standing behind it, and then as the music started all the practice came back to me. It was too surreal for me to even register that there was a pub full of people watching me.

But I still feel incredibly self-conscious as soon as I started to move to the music. I would say dance, but it didn’t feel like that, because my limbs felt so heavy and my joints so wooden.

Then I caught Mel’s eye and she smiled and nodded and suddenly I felt like I could do it.

And the routine is so quick that I was out of my dress in under a minute. A combination of side zip and strapless comes off so easily!

Then the choker comes off. I dunno why something so small feels so erotic, but I feel sexier with it on. But I didn’t set the order so hey.

And the audience made some noise once I took of the corset. It happens with my back to them, but you can see I’m not wearing a bra. I couldn’t resist a glance down to check the nipple pasties had stayed stuck on. (They had!) But even when they saw them I think if you were further back you might not know I had anything covering my nipples. It’s way more daring than anything else I’ve seen on the two nights I’ve been there.

But when I started untying my knickers there were some open mouths, like very much “I can’t believe this is happening”, and now I could pick out some of the eyes looking at me, or rather looking at my body because I was all but naked from the waist up. And when I turned to face everyone they all stared at exactly the same point: the tiny little dark triangle of the c-string that barely covers anything.

I mean, I had stockings and the suspender belt and heels still on by then, but I was as close to naked as can be. It was amazing!

Next came the shoes and the stockings, and as soon as I felt the air and the cool wooden stage on my feet I felt like I was naked too. I’m going to say it again: it was amazing!

Then the suspenders go, because what’s the point of them anyway, and I’m left with a feather boa, a c-string and nipple pasties, but really if anyone wants to inspect any inch of my body there’s nothing stopping them.

It all happened so quickly. I know it’s only under four minutes, but it was the blink of an eye. And then there was a whole load of applause and whistles and I collapsed in giggles and the compere came back on stage and without thinking I scuttled back to my seat to sit next to Mel and she gave me a hug and said I was amazing, and my heart nearly burst. And a people on other tables were still looking at me (and my body) and smiling, and then it dawned on me that all the clothes (or what passed as clothes, because there wasn’t much) were still scattered around the stage.

I was going to go and get them, but then I thought: why? Everyone here has just watched me strip, and they’ve seen everything, so why not just enjoy it and sit here and bathe in the attention?

Elise brought me a drink, gave me a hug (which felt really weird on bare skin) and said I was fantastic and the best show she’d ever had here, and made me promise to do it again in two months. I said I wasn’t sure, but Mel said “Of course she will”, so I guess I’m doing it! I suppose I’ve learnt it once so may as well make the most of it, although it does mean I’ll have to say this lean.

The funny thing is, sitting there pretty much nude, I had literally not a single man come and talk to me or try to buy me a drink! I mean, I didn’t really see anyone who looked single and interesting, but still! I do wish someone had at least offered, or tried to chat me up. But then I suppose it’s kind of intimidating going and talking to a near-naked woman unless you’re really confident.

At the end of the night Elise insisted on taking a photo of me next to Mel, and then Mel took one of me with Elise’s arm around me. My head was spinning too much to complain but I’m not sure I want to see those photos.

Anyway, that’s the story of the night. Now how on earth am I going to sleep after that rush?

After the run this morning Mel insisted on coming over this afternoon and watching me rehearse some more. She came over just after lunch and I got into my costume and put a chair in the front room and pulled the curtains, and Mel opened the curtains again and said if I was hiding today then I wasn’t going to be prepared for tomorrow.

I really hope Russ and Alison were out! Nobody else would be able to see in. But anyway, Mel was mostly quiet and only gave me small tips, and said I was ready again, and that I shouldn’t drink much tonight, and I definitely shouldn’t get involved in any threesomes, and that we would meet at the pub at six o’clock tomorrow.

I’m so nervous now.

Then this evening I replied to ENFBoyfriend on the photo site. I said thanks for being kind, but I wanted to stay anonymous so I wouldn’t say much, and I said my boyfriend was very understanding of my way of life (which might be true if I had one), which is the most obvious way of saying “keep your distance” imaginable.

I came home and panic rehearsed the routine tonight. With the curtains closed, obviously, because I feel far too silly having Alison and Russ see me doing this! Which is daft as a room full of people will see it in two nights time…

I think I’m going to have trouble sleeping.

Dinner was nice. I really like Jo, still, and she somehow manages to both be the boss and not bossy at the same time. I asked her about her dating too, and she said she’d never got far with the last guy, but she was seeing someone else from time-to-time, but now it was more casual and she’ll just let things happen, but she’s not actually unhappy being alone either. She seems like she’s in a much better place.

But that opened up a bit of a can of worms when she asked me about my life. I said it was complicated, and she asked if it was complicated good or complicated bad, and I said it was sometimes complicated fun, but nothing long-term. She said that she wouldn’t judge one bit, and as long as I was careful then it was up to me whether I had one boyfriend, ten boyfriends, or a hundred girlfriends. I offhand said one of each was plenty enough, not realising that it kind of leaked a bit of information, and she raised an eyebrow but didn’t dig any deeper.

It was the last Pilates before dance night, which means last chance to get some muscle tone in my stomach! But who am I kidding: it’s far too late for that. But at least I’ve leaned some of the excess off.

From now on everything is just counting down to Sunday. Although tomorrow night I’m going for dinner with Jo to chat about life in general.

Ha asked me what was up today and I covered up my worries about Sunday by telling her about the builder and leaking roof and my kitchen being out of action for a week at some point (and not to mention the cost, which at least I have savings for). She said it was no problem, because I could just stay with her and Lily while it was being done! And it would be really easy to move in because I wouldn’t need to bring any clothes. She’s only a friend but it gets me going when she teases me like that, because I know there’s always a little bit of something more than a friend in the background.

Anyway, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea or not, as I might turn out to be a pain to live with (even for a few days) and then we’ll fall out about something. Plus I want to know that Lily would be okay with it too.

Ha asked me today if I’d had any more threesomes this weekend! I hope nobody heard. But she said we’re well overdue an evening together, which is true, and suggested Saturday, but I think I might still be rehearsing on Saturday, and I don’t want to try and do it with a hangover, so I said it would have to be the weekend after. She said something about fine, if I have better friends, then they could come first. She’s very cheeky sometimes.

At Mel’s this evening it was my last chance to rehearse with feedback. Mel was actually quite nice to me too, and said I’d really progressed, and it was going to be a big success, and that I looked amazing, both dressed and nearly naked, and it would be a night nobody would forget. It sort of made me cry a bit, because it’s been really tense the past few weeks.

Then as a celebration, while I was standing in nothing but heels, nipple pasties and the c-string jammed into my bits, Mel poured us both a glass of wine and then said, fuck it, let’s order sushi, so she did. And of course, she made me answer the door, and the poor guy really didn’t know where to look, and I felt like hiding but then realised that a whole pub full of people would see me like this on Sunday so maybe I had to get used to it.

I actually would have been more comfortable naked with Mel as that c-string thing isn’t very comfortable, but it is a little bit stimulating all the time. It just felt weird to ask if I could pull it off. And then I ended up going home with just my coat on over it all and feeling like an oddball as I found myself in front of the hall mirror with the nipple pasties on. I can’t tell if I it’s just me that thinks it looks silly because I’m looking at my own reflection or if everyone will think I look silly. That almost terrifies me more than the thought of being near to naked in a pub within walking distance of home.

The butterflies are nearly constant in my stomach now.

Eek! Only one week until cabaret night at the pub! So I panic-rehearsed today. And I’m also getting more doubtful about the whole idea, because I’ve realised that it’s so close to home that there’s a good chance of people recognising me out on the streets! I mean, being naked is daunting enough, but being nearly naked and recognised really terrifies me.

And then this evening I had a message in an inbox on the website with my pictures. It was from someone called “ENFBoyfriend” (which doesn’t sound too creepy, I don’t think) and he (I presume) was very nice about the pictures, and said I was very brave, and asked if I was going to upload any more! I’m still on the fence about that last part.

I haven’t replied yet because I really don’t want to look too keen.

I made it to the run this morning, and set a new best time! It helped that the ground isn’t quite as waterlogged as it has been. Mel said it showed progress, but now I had to take another minute off that… She, of course, is a good few minutes faster.

She asked me if I was meeting my threesome friends this weekend. I wish I was, but unfortunately nothing fun is planned at all. In fact, today was the opposite of fun, as I had to stay in this afternoon to meet a builder to look at the leaking roof. And he didn’t turn up until after five o’clock, because he said he’d come from another job. And to top it all off, he says the ceiling is close to going completely, because the leak has been there for ages, and they’ll need to replace part of the roof, and the ceiling, and that’ll mean scaffolding out the back and an unusable kitchen for a week! Plus it’ll cost a few thousand pounds.

Not a good day all-in-all.

No plans at all this evening! So I came home. But I’m getting a bit addicted to seeing how many people are looking at my photos online, and what they’re saying.

And then in a bit of a rush of enthusiasm I replied to one, and owned up to them… Not under my real name, of course. But I said they were me, but I wouldn’t say where I lived or where they were taken, and I thanked someone for saying nice things. It was kind of exhilarating, and now I’m thinking again about uploading those other photos. I mean, they’re really embarrassing, if they got out, but the ones already on there are too. I sort of feel like I’ve held out long enough and now I can show Mel I’m in charge by doing it at a time of my own choosing.

I’ll sleep on it.