Mel was so mean to me this evening. I turned up at her place after work and she buzzed me into the building but told to wait downstairs as she’d come and get me because we were going out. I waited outside the door, because I didn’t want Mel to punish me for being clothed inside the building, and Mel came out five minutes later.

I asked her where we were going and she just said to follow her, and she didn’t seem in a great mood so I thought it wasn’t going to be anywhere fun. We started heading back towards my place, and then we turned down a side road into the sports field, where the park run is, and as soon as we got to the corner where the route passes Mel turned, stood with her arms crossed and said “Get undressed.”

I was like: “What, here?” because although it was early evening and it was mostly empty there were a couple of runners doing laps. (The 5k route is about three laps of the field.)

So Mel said I’d missed the park run on Saturday and I hadn’t told her, and she’d warned me what would happen! I said I’d done it yesterday, and she said she didn’t care, and that I didn’t have my running shoes so she said I’d have to do it bare foot, because my work shoes were no good for running in at all. I said I couldn’t do it, but Mel said that I had brought this on myself, and I should know that if I didn’t then I’d only make it worse for myself. I believed her.

So I kicked my shoes off and stared as much daggers as I could muster I pulled my dress off and pretty much threw it at her. I asked Mel if she was going to run with me and she laughed and said no, she would wait here and watch, unless I ran too slowly in which case she might just leave and take my clothes with her, so I’d better get going.

She’d do it too, so off I went, boobs and bum wobbling along as I started around the route. What a sight it must have been.

I was lucky that there were no walkers out and even though I’m not a fast runner there wasn’t anyone catching me up on the first lap, but I got nervous as the route passes closer to the entrance gates, in case someone came in, but then I distracted myself by scowling at Mel as I went past.

I was mortified on the second lap as I saw a guy running in the opposite direction. He must have thought I was crazy (am I?) and gave me a wide berth, but a smile at the same time, which actually made me feel better.

That got me round the second lap, where I could scowl at Mel again, but I hadn’t really thought it through and he was still doing another laps too so I had to pass him again. This time he said “hi again”. I’m not sure if that counts as a chat-up line, because there isn’t time for much more, and I was breathing too hard to say anything.

At least Mel was still there when I finished the third lap, because I have no idea what I’d have done if she’d left with my clothes and my keys and everything.

“How was it?” Mel asked, as if she really cared. I told her my boobs didn’t really like it, and she said that would explain why I was so slow today, and how she’d nearly given up and gone home. Then she said “So next time you’ll make sure to tell me if you’re not going to make it on Saturday?” and I nodded.

Mel gave me my dress back and I put my shoes on and came home. I don’t want to tell her but actually, in hindsight, it was kind of fun.