I needed a quiet night in so I snuck home before anyone could try and drag me out for a drink. I did some extra work this evening as there have been a few enquiries off the back of our company press release, and it seems like I’m the only one who’s been reading about international tax accounting lately. It’s good to feel needed at least.

Well.

I was nervous all day about talking to Tim, and I didn’t do at all well at hiding it. We went to a local pub after work and I tried to engage in chit-chat on the way but it didn’t work. So I just had to tell him over a drink that I was finding it difficult to separate work and outside life. And Tim was so nice it was unbelievable, and I felt so bad I can’t even describe.

He said he could tell I was having trouble and that he’d started looking for another job! I had to tell him that no way should he do that just because of me, and he said he didn’t want to but he didn’t want me to be uncomfortable. So I said don’t think about that, I’ll get over it, and I actually felt better because he was prepared to go so out of his way to respect my feelings, when all of this was my fault.

I asked him a bit about Linda, because I wanted to see if I could get out of Saturday. He told me about how they used to go out but sometimes she’d invite other male friends over and flirt, all the time naked, and he said he couldn’t handle it, until one day she just seemed to be going out with some new guy Gary (who I’ll meet) and they hadn’t even officially split up. He said they’ve never even really talked about it.

The bad news is that Mel has told Linda to report back on the whole thing, and not to let me out of it, to make sure I didn’t wear a stitch of clothing… he seemed embarrassed about saying that. But then he said not to worry that he thinks it’s a double-date or something because he’s started seeing someone, but he hasn’t told Linda because he doesn’t want her nosing into it. So as far as he was concerned it was just dinner with a friend and he wouldn’t do anything to make me feel awkward. I didn’t say that I already felt awkward.

But by the time I got home I felt a lot better about things, but I also felt distinctly like Tim has a lot better handle on all of this than I do.

I couldn’t avoid lunch with Ha any longer and she asked why I’d not been to see them for ages. So to cover up my worries about Tim I told her about my night with Elise, and then she asked me all the questions I don’t have an answer to: do I fancy her? (Well, I do know that, but I can’t admit it.) Is it serious? What about Mark and Ana?

It was good to get some of it out anyway and Pilates made me feel better too.

Tim couldn’t meet today, and I have Pilates tomorrow, so we’re doing it on Thursday. Meanwhile I had a message from Linda on Saturday asking if I had any food allergies and said she couldn’t wait to have a fun little get-together with just the four of us! I really hope she’s not expecting anything to happen between Tim and I, because it’s not.

I had a meeting with Tim today, and was brusque with him (again). Enough that Rachel raised an eyebrow, and I instantly regretted it. Later this afternoon I sent him a message suggesting a chat tomorrow because I need to do something before Saturday.

I was ready to talk about it some more when I got to Mel’s, and this time I didn’t pretend to forget the rules: I put my dress into her mailbox, rode the elevator (naked) to the seventh floor, and dutifully took my shoes off when I got inside her apartment. But she had work for me to do, with three weeks of receipts and invoices, and I know I shouldn’t take notice of these things but there was a small invoice for an initial coaching session with Tim! I had seen her give him a card but didn’t expect anything to happen from it. Now I wonder if they talk about me… I guess they shouldn’t, and I think Mel would keep things confidential, but it made me wonder.

Mel didn’t even bother to tie me this week either, so I was just a “regular” naked accountant. It felt almost normal, and she just kept at her own work in the other room. Then after little more than an hour I put my shoes on, went downstairs, didn’t see anyone, put my dress on and came home.