I had the strangest (and most embarrassing) dream. I was at Jo’s place having dinner with Ha and Lily and… you guessed it, I was sitting there at the table completely naked. Jo put her hand on my thigh while we were talking and it made my skin tingle. And then there was a knock at the door and Rachel came in, and I was embarrassed about being naked but, of course, had nothing to wear at all. And as we stood around with wine glasses in our hands and I felt more and more silly Jo said she had an announcement to make and that her and Rachel were getting married! They kissed and I felt so jealous but had to smile anyway, but Ha said not to worry, she would look after me, and she put her hand on my breast and squeezed it and it turned me on so much I woke up. You can guess what happened next, before I went back to sleep.

I was still horny when I went to the start-up today, but I wanted Kieran to be the first one to see my new boots. But it was really warm and felt like proper Spring, so I ditched the boots for the first time for ages and wore little heeled shoes and socks and a skirt that felt quite short with bare legs, even though it wasn’t as short as some of the others I’d worn. And I had one of my new clingy tops and a coat. The boys liked it and kept staring at my legs all day, and I kept getting turned on when I remembered my dream and when I looked down my nipples were as clear as anything outlined in the top. I don’t think they got much work done, but I did get invited to their office party this Friday. I think I’ll go.

I got an e-mail from Jo this morning thanking me again. I said she didn’t need to, but I’m glad if it helped at all. She said she reckons she needs to get “back in the game” as quickly as possible so what dating sites did I recommend! I have no idea about that kind of thing but I asked Helen and she sent me a few, and then said: didn’t I have a boyfriend already? I said it wasn’t for me, but I didn’t tell her it was for Jo. I kind of feel like I have a secret that Jo’s trusted me with that I can’t just go sharing around.

Jo’s office door was open today so I popped in to talk about Rachel’s work and got roped into deciding whether she should swipe left or right on a whole load of men. I think she’s only in her late thirties but all the men who were looking for a woman of that ages looked really old. It was quite sad and none of them made the grade in my opinion. She made a joke about becoming a lesbian and off-hand I said something about Ha being the expert and her eyebrows shot off the top of her head. It hadn’t occurred to me that she hadn’t noticed! But then neither had I until I saw her kissing Lily. I said I’d caused enough trouble and had better leave and she said she’d mine me for more office gossip sometime.

I really like Jo. No man is good enough for her.

I went Sunday shopping and bought some long boots… and I mean long. Just above the knee. They’re in emerald green suede. Kieran’s going to go wild for these when he sees me in them, especially if they’re the only thing I’m wearing. The sun was out so I got a couple of nice thin stretchy tops too, and then spent the evening flirting with Kieran by text and making sure he hadn’t misbehaved on his stag do. He said he didn’t feel too well, and I said I knew what he meant because I was like that on Saturday morning and I led him on for ages before telling him it was just a night out with the work girls.

Where to start.

We went out for a drink after work with a few of the girls, and Jo, and she still didn’t look right but she was kind of hyper and talking fast and then giggling at all kinds of things, and then I saw some pills in her bag. (Not illegal ones.) That seemed really bad.

I managed to get her alone later when nearly everyone else had gone and it got suddenly intense. To cut it all short: her partner of the past seven years just broke up with her suddenly, has moved out and she hasn’t seen him since. It seemed kind of crap, and I’d never have expected Jo to swear so much. And then she’d say something like, “I mean, why?” and it was like she was trying to stop herself from bursting into tears and she’d go bright red and then laugh. It was all a bit worrying, and over time everyone else left and I stayed with her.

Obviously I know nothing about her relationship but I tried all the usual things about mid-life crisis, men are so immature, it’s not you it’s him, anyone would be lucky to have you (which is true). But I know it wasn’t really doing anything, but I think it helped that she was talking about it.

Then when we went to leave she almost fell over, because we had drunk a lot. Although I’d had the same, but perhaps her pills made it worse. (Anti-depressants maybe? I don’t know.) So I called her a cab but there was no way she could get into it, or out of it, without help, but at least she could remember her address.

I helped her up the pathway and found her keys in her bag and let her in and she was stumbling all over the place, so I took her upstairs and laid her down on her bed and took her shoes off and threw a couple of blankets over her and put a glass of water on a bedside table. Luckily she has a spare room so that’s where I slept, with my clothes all piled up on a chair.

She was up when I went down in the morning, in a dressing gown while I was wearing the skirt and blouse I’d worn to the office the day before. (But at least I wasn’t wearing dirty underwear, since I didn’t have any.) Jo asked if I wanted to borrow something clean and I said I was okay. She made us coffee and breakfast and she said thanks for getting her home and looking after but her head was pounding. Mine wasn’t great either so we had a couple of painkillers, and Jo had one of her mystery pills. She saw me looking and said something about “I know you don’t approve” but knocked it back anyway. I don’t know how I couldn’t approve of something when I don’t know what it is, but she’s actually right: I just don’t like people taking pills to fix things, even if they do work.

We talked some more over breakfast, and then Jo cried again. I put my hands on hers and she seemed okay with that, but I still felt a bit silly seeing someone I work for in tears and not being able to do anything about it. I don’t think she could remember half of last night because she said a lot of it again, and I said the same things back. Eventually she said she’d taken up too much of my time anyway and although I could have stayed there quite happily she booked me a cab (prepaid, of course), and insisted on giving me money for the one the night before (which had cost about forty quid so I only made a token effort at declining that), and now I’m back home again.

I know almost nothing about her old partner but I really hate him now. I hope she finds someone who deserves her.

I’m so drunk I can’t type anything. I’ll write tomorrow.

The snow’s thawing and I spent the morning at the PR company. Ellie was wearing a white blouse with a dark bra underneath it. There’s definitely something hot about her and I can’t tell if she’s flirting with me, everyone, or that’s just the way she is. Probably the last.

Jo was back in the office today. She still didn’t look great and didn’t say anything to anyone. I e-mailed her about Rachel’s work and she said I’d done a great job of covering for her so we should go out for a drink tomorrow to celebrate me being someone’s boss! If she’s coming out for a drink then I guess it can’t be that bad, or perhaps she’s just trying to get through it, whatever it is.