Not much going on today except work and Pilates. It’s a busy time of year with all the personal tax returns as we do a lot of them for directors of the companies we manage. It’s nowhere near as busy as March when most of the companies file but it’s more disorganised. At least I’ve had practice at Mel’s, although it’s nowhere near as fun when you’re not tied up!

I needed a quieter day today, and it was a busy one at work. Managing Rachel and Tim’s time takes up more of mine than I expected!

I still have my “performance” on my mind too. I’ve been watching the video a few times and started looking for clothing. The good(ish) news is that I seem to be shrinking, in breast size at least: I tried on some of the underwear I bought last year and I only just fill it! I suppose they were C-cups, which is bigger than I was five years ago, but I thought I’d never go back! Now I have to decide if I’d buy a B if I bought some more or just stick with the C’s.

Plus, now I’ve seen the video some more, I guess I’ll have to mime something when she takes off her bra and knickers. At least I get to keep those on! And I’m only going to have a chair as a prop, so I guess I’ll have to improvise.

I can’t believe that I’m actually considering this.

Tonight was meant to be my coaching session with Mel, but it turned out that she’d found some more documents about her business so I had to revise her tax return again. So the same as last week I sat in her office chair while she bound my ankles together, and then my knees, and finally my wrists, and this time she put ropes around the crooks of my arms that tied behind my back so I had to sit right up against the desk just to reach the keyboard! It was almost impossible to work, but not quite impossible. But I’ve never had my movement so restricted and, apart from being able to type and flip over sheets of paper, I’ve never felt so helpless either.

I called Mel in when I was finished, which took about forty-five minutes, and together we submitted the return and she paid her bill (which was a few thousand pounds! She’s doing okay with her business).

I wondered what was coming next as Mel sat beside me, moved her chair over, and pulled a video up on the screen. It was an extremely hot music video, to a song that I knew but didn’t know who it was by, that featured a thin woman stripping. And I don’t just mean stripping a bit, but entirely – right down to nothing at all. As I sat there tied up it made me really rather horny indeed.

Mel asked me what I thought of it, and I said it was really sexy. Then she said “Good. Because I’ve told Elise you’ll perform it at her cabaret night at the end of March.”

If I wasn’t tied up I would have fallen off my chair! There was no way I was stripping naked in front of a room full of pub-goers. I was going to say “no way!” but Mel cut me off by saying I’d have to keep my knickers on otherwise Elise might attract the wrong kind of attention, and cover my nipples too, but Mel said I had a good enough figure now and even my posture was improving, and I had two months to learn the routine! I didn’t know what to say, because the way Mel stated it, and threw in a few compliments along the way, it was presented as a done deal before I’d even opened my mouth.

Mel told me I’d have to buy some suspenders and a garter belt for the routine, and a lacey corset, and some evening gloves, like she’d worn the other night, and find a short and pretty strapless dress that unzipped down the side. Apparently I can borrow her feather boa. She told me that it was all part of getting me out of my shell and, just like last night, it was just something I had to go through.

There’s something about being tied up in a chair that makes one very compliant, so I ended up nodding, even though I was telling myself there was no way I was doing it at the time. But it was almost like Mel knew what I was thinking because she made me promise, because if I didn’t she’d think of something much harder that I wouldn’t have time to plan for. I believed her.

It was disappointing when she untied my arms and wrists again, because again the evening was over without any real contact. I really am left craving any kind of touch when I’m tied up, but I thought to myself that at least I could masturbate when I got home. Then she read my mind again and told me that I needed another period of “self-love abstinence”, as she called it! I said “Until when?” and she just looked at me sternly and said “Until I say so,” and then added, “Or until you let someone else do it.”

Funnily enough, when I got home the first thing I did was to check my messages and, sure enough, I had something from Sarah with Mark’s mobile number in and a note that said “Let me know if it works out!”. She knows exactly what I want.

Then I had another message from Mel. It was the video. The video that I have to learn and perform. In two months. Gulp.

I’ve had an amazing and completely unexpected type of evening.

I arrived at her place in a nice big coat, stockings, black lace underwear and heels, and stood in the hallway with the coat over my arm as she made me wait (as usual). But I was feeling so sexy I didn’t mind.

She opened the door and somehow I instantly felt very drab as she was in a long figure-hugging green satin dress with matching gloves that covered her arms up past her elbows. (Apparently they’re called evening gloves.)

It turned out we weren’t staying in but going out, so I put my coat back on, Mel put a long coat on, and she led the way down the road, around the corner, and to a pub that I never knew about that apparently does cabaret nights on the last Sunday of every month. It seemed a strange day of the week to do it, but I guess it pulls people in on an otherwise quiet night, and the place was already half full.

Then I was surprised to see one of the women from Mel’s party who I just thought was staffing the bar but it turns out runs the place now. She was wearing a deep red overbust and stockings and looked like the Madame from a Western movie brothel.

Anyway, her name’s Elise, and she was the one who had gotten spontaneously naked all those years ago and started the trend that had resulted in my being their naked hostess.

Mel said “hi” to her, and Elise leant over the bar and gave her a hug, then Mel said “You remember Kate, don’t you?” and Elise looked puzzled (which was good! Because it meant the mask had done something). Then Mel told her “the waitress from my party” and Elise held up her hand to cover the top half of my face and then grinned and said she might recognise me better without my clothes on. Obviously I blushed.

We ordered some drinks and some sharing plates and found a table and I made sure my coat was wrapped nice and tightly around my body while Mel put hers on a spare seat next to us. It was a strange place, because over half the room was dressed up in suits (men) or flamboyant dresses (women), and at the back there were a few “regulars” who were just having a normal evening in the pub and found the whole thing slightly amusing, and probably slightly annoying.

There were a lot of pairs of stockings in sight, or tights and short skirts, and it was only when I looked closer that I realised at least three pairs of those were won by men. Cross-dressing was all part of the evening, it seemed!

We had a compere for the night who came onto the stage at seven. She was an older late middle-aged woman, very dressed up, who seemed to ooze confidence and flirted effortlessly with members of the audience. Then the first act was a female singer, who had a nice voice (if nothing original) and between songs Mel told me that a lot of the people on tonight were amateurs or new performers who were using the place to get experience.

During the first act a few more people had arrived and the place was getting closer to being full and in a break between songs Elise came by and stood behind our chairs, asking how we were liking it so far, which was a lot (because it was fun!). She looked at Mel’s coat on the chair and said she’d probably need the seat by the time the second act started, so Mel asked if she had somewhere to leave coats. Elise said she could hang them behind the bar, just for us two, and I said (very firmly!) that I was going to keep mine.

But Mel just gave me a look and said “Don’t be silly. Give Elise your coat,” and I felt like I had no choice.

I honestly can’t tell if all eyes were on me as I slipped out of the long overcoat, handed it to Elise and sat down hurriedly in my underwear and stockings, but if felt like it. But Elise said I was the prettiest and bravest thing to come in here for some time and I felt amazingly better! I think it wouldn’t have been so bad if my midriff wasn’t completely bare, because with the lights low you couldn’t really see my nipples through the bra. I was very glad I went to Pilates and did the running, though.

It made it harder to focus on the next acts, though, which were mostly singers, and included one of the men (dressed as a woman), as well as a man alone, and a woman who did gymnastics while singing. I got the feeling the performances were as much about people letting expressing themselves as they were about putting on a show.

I was actually starting to enjoy it when it was my turn to go to the bar, jostling between all of these dressed-up men and women in just my underwear, and although they glanced and smiled it wasn’t like anyone was judging me for my choice. In fact, it seemed like I’d brightened many a day, and I was half wishing I’d found the place before. Although there’s no way I would have gone there dressed like this unless Mel had made me.

The acts were finished by nine, and shortly after Mel said we should go as she had appointments in the morning, and I definitely had work to get to. We both went to the bar, which was starting to empty out, and Mel asked for our coats. Elise said she hoped I enjoyed her little evening, which I really did, and said she hoped to see me here again. I said I would, but maybe dressed a little differently, if Mel let me. Elise said “I hope differently less and not differently more,” and I felt my cheeks burning.

That was one fun night.

It was a drizzly park run this morning, but I got through it. Mel waited for me at the finish and asked me if I was doing anything tomorrow evening. Since I’m never doing anything and I wanted to keep Mel happy I said I was available to do whatever she wanted. She said to be at her place at six o’clock, and in a change to the normal rules of her apartment I was to wear what I’d worn at the New Year’s party. I said “You mean the little black dress?” and she said “Of course not! I mean what you eventually ended up in.” Which means I’m turning up in underwear and heels and stockings and I’m already looking forward to it. I wonder if she’s having another party? Sunday night seems to be an odd time for a party but I can’t think what else it might be.

I was feeling like going out shopping to buy more lingerie (as if anyone sees it!) but then I checked my drawers and found I had some from last year that I’ve still barely worn. And to think that I bought them trying to impress Kieran! What a wasted effort that was.

It did trigger another thought, though, so I finally messaged Sarah and asked her if she had contact details for Mark. I tried to make it sound casual but I’m sure she knew exactly what’s going on.

Everyone’s de-toxxing at this time of year so Friday nights are very quiet, so I just came home, got naked and wandered around the flat. And strangely, I realised it’s been a week since I masturbated at all, which is funny given how bursting I was before Mel let me, so I saw to that too. With the curtains closed, I might add, because I don’t want things to take a funny turn with Alison and Russ.

I had lunch with Ha today and couldn’t help but tell her about the naked bike ride photos that I’d found of us both. She was really embarrassed about it, but I guess it’s to be expected as there are so many mobile phones with cameras around. I didn’t tell her how I found the photos but then I realised I’d made a mistake when she asked where they were – because if I told her and she created an account and logged she’d find all the other pictures of me on there. Which would be a bit embarrassing plus, as I said, in case she is in touch with Kieran I don’t want to mess up any friendship they still have any more because it was obvious that the photos came from him.

Anyway, instead of telling her I had to go to the site on my phone, log in, and then waved the picture at her. Then I read out some of the comments (that didn’t mention my photos elsewhere!) and teased her that there might be good money in it if she wanted to be in more photos.

She actually seemed a bit worried about work finding out, but I don’t think the naked bike ride is a big deal. I’ve got a lot more to worry about with all of my photos on there – and I’m responsible for some of them!

Wednesdays are very much my “dress like a normal person” day now that I’m back at Pilates, so nothing fun to report here. But when I got home I did check my photos again and activity seems to have died down a little. I’m actually starting to miss the buzz of it. I guess I could upload some more! (Guess what: I’m not going to do that.)

I had my catch-up lunch with Jo (in the role of mentor!) today. I didn’t really have much to say from the last talk, but said I was reading a lot more about corporate tax law and would keep an eye out for opportunities. Jo said again that she wasn’t convinced about this direction within the company, but she’d help me with whatever I did.

Then we got onto gossiping as I asked her about her relationship. It still seemed to be going okay (but slowly) and they saw each other a couple of times a week, and sometimes he even stayed over! But she said she liked her independence, especially now she was in her forties, and couldn’t really imagine having to live with someone else just yet.

I always end these sessions somewhat besotted with Jo: she’s so smart, so confident, and still so damn sexy, regardless of her age! And I’m also jealous that her life is so well sorted while I don’t even have a good prospect on the horizon.

I actually had real work to do at Mel’s today: her tax return! It meant the session lasted longer than usual and she said she owed me a favour. Plus, it took longer than it should because she wrapped the soft rope around my ankles and my knees again, and then my wrists, so rifling through papers and typing was something of a slow task. It was a real turn-on to have the restriction, and the helplessness, though.

As it was later when I finished she made me dinner too, which was something of an experience in itself: first I had to try and shuffle from her work room to the kitchen stool with my feet still tied together. Mel held onto me to stop me falling over but it took a while, and by the time I got there I was feeling like I wanted sex, not food. And then she left my wrists tied while we ate, so I could hold a fork, or a knife, but not both at the same time (and do anything with them). Luckily nothing needed cutting up, but it was just so sexy to sit there naked and bound and eating.

We chatted for a bit more afterwards too, while I was still tied up on the stool. The downside is that with my thighs clamped together I know that nothing is going to happen.

And so it proved, because it was after nine that Mel said I had better get home, untied my wrists and let me did the rest, and I wasn’t even blessed with a sideways look as I put my boots and coat on, picked up my bag and left.

Still: she said she owed me a favour. That must mean something.