Exhibitionist Diary – Saturday 13th June 2020


That was one silly afternoon! Or one silly day. And one strange day too.

I even tried to suggest to Mel that she join the naked bike ride when I met her at the park run this morning and she just sort of laughed and ignored me. I imagine she actually looks pretty amazing naked, to be honest, but I think she’s far too controlling to put herself in a vulnerable position. It made me feel kind of powerful that I can do it and she can’t.

But anyway: I met Ha, Ellie and Lily at the start, and there were already all kinds of people (okay: mostly men) either fully naked or some women kept knickers on and more rarely a bra. And lots of body paint. So it didn’t even feel that weird to be stripping off, and I only had one a dress on anyway, and if anything it was Lily who looked out of place in tight trousers and a top. I could tell she was getting a real kick out of seeing Ha in the nude though, and I wonder why the two of them don’t get a bit more adventurous more often. I wouldn’t mind.

We gave Lily our clothes and she said she’d meet us at the other end. The bike ride itself is really short and there are so many people watching and taking photos. I guess they could end up anywhere, but when everyone’s doing it it doesn’t seem like it’s wrong.

We ended up in the park again and Lily pulled out two bottles of wine and some plastic glasses, and it was the three of us sitting around naked, and Lily very much not and ogling us all especially, I noticed, Ellie. And there were quite a few other naked people around mixing with clothed people, although the numbers of naked people dwindled as time went on.

Then the weird thing happened and I noticed someone approaching us; a clothed man with a naked girl, and if my face was a picture of surprise when I looked up and saw Tim staring down at my naked body it was nothing compared to Ha’s.

He said something about not wanting to intrude, but his friend Linda wanted to say hi. I recognised her from the pub, when Mel had dragged him away from us, and I said so, and Linda said she’d wanted to meet me then because she’d heard so much about me. It was kind of flattering but also exceptionally weird but Linda seemed entirely okay with it and Lily obviously didn’t really know who Tim was but said they should join us, which I think because she was finding Ha’s reaction so amusing.

So Linda sat down, and so did Tim, and pretty soon Lily worked out why she and Tim knew each other, and said something like “this is a bit awkward” and Tim said no, it’s fine. Then Linda said it was fine because Tim had never once let on about anything they did together even to her work-mates. I was going to ask if they were a couple, because it seemed odd to be hanging out with a naked woman that you weren’t interested in (and Linda was pretty hot too: athletic and slim with short dark hair and a mischievous smile). But Linda said Tim was just her flatmate and her boyfriend was working today, but Tim was so used to seeing her naked that she didn’t worry about it, even since they’d split up. So that told me a whole lot in one go and left a whole load of questions.

Then Ha got nervous and said to Lily she wanted her clothes back from the rucksack we’d put them in. That made Lily giggle and she said she had a confession: she’d gone back home while we were cycling and had “forgotten” to bring the bag with her. Ha thought she was joking but it turned out not, and even I got a bit nervous about having no clothes anywhere.

Lily said that last year Ha had played a mean trick on me to get me to cycle home naked, so this year she thought it only fair to turn the tables. Except that I didn’t have any clothes either, so it wasn’t exactly turning the tables, and neither did Ellie. Linda said it wasn’t much help but she did have some, but only a dress, and that wasn’t going to cover everyone.

Ha started to get really mad at Lily, I think because of Tim being there especially, and told her she’d just have to go home and get our things so we could leave. Lily told her not to be silly and we could just get a cab back, unless we’d rather walk. That really got to Ha who said if Lily wanted to walk she should be the one without clothes!

Well, Lily said she’d call a car, but Linda said that she thought I lived nearer their place and if went back to Ha and Lily’s I’d have to travel across town again, which was true, but if I liked I could go with them and she could lend me something. I was worried about leaving Ellie, but she said she needed her things so she’d go back with the other two, so Lily called a car and I watched Lily and the two naked girls climb into the back of a cab driven by a very bemused but also very happy man.

I was expecting Linda to get dressed but we just set off as we were: Tim in jeans and a t-shirt and me and Linda in nothing but a pair of trainers each. It wasn’t far to their place but it felt like ten miles from the number of stares we got, because by the time we left the park there was literally nobody else naked around but the two of us.

It was really exhilarating, though, and even though we took back-streets we had people call out, photos taken, and all the while I tried to ignore it all, and ignore that I was walking along nude with a work colleague and his ex-girlfriend.

Their place was pretty small and there was an awkward moment when I was left alone (and naked) with Tim as Linda went to find me something to wear. It was even worse than the pub as he tried not to stare at my chest, but I guess if this had happened without the pub first then I’d be in much bigger trouble.

When Linda returned she was still naked and I tried on a nice little summer dress, which was a bit tight but the right length, and I felt both better about being covered but also missed being naked. But then Linda surprised both me and Tim by saying they were going to get a takeaway and did I want to join them. I mumbled because it didn’t seem right, but she knew I was just looking for an excuse and said she’d really like me to stay because Tim really looked up to me!

So I stayed and, more unusually, Linda stayed naked the whole time! We ordered Thai, and she went to the door to pick it up, with the delivery driver’s chin on the floor, and we talked and they opened another bottle of wine which got me through it. It was altogether a surreal experience.

I think it was nearly nine by the time I left and now I’m wondering if it was such a good idea. But on the other hand Tim can’t think I’m weird after all of that, because hanging around with a naked flatmate who’s in a relationship is definitely out there.

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