For some reason today I felt suddenly jealous of Matthew and his happy (new) marriage and honeymoon. I wish my life seemed so simple. I know I should be happy that I’ve got Kieran, but I’m still not sure where that’s going. And also, surely if I’m with him I shouldn’t fancy anyone else? Sometimes it seems like I fancy everyone else. Like, Jo looked really nice in the office today. She was wearing a quite slinky dress (for the office) and said she had a date tonight. It made me jealous. Although on the plus side Pilates took it all out of me.

I feel a bit lost without going to the startup on a Tuesday. At least I remembered not to go this morning and went to the office instead. I deigned to send Kieran a message this evening to put him out of his misery, and to stop him annoying me. We’ll see each other at the weekend and hopefully I’ll stop being mad at him by then.

I felt so bad towards Ha today, because of Kieran, and we had lunch together and complained about him. I still haven’t replied to his messages, which are getting more and more needy, but Ha said he always used to hassle her, until she came out and then it mostly stopped. But it must have been when he saw her naked at the bike ride the weekend before that for some reason he thinks he can hit on her again. I would literally have a better chance with her than he would.

Last night was amazing, apart from the bits that weren’t. The amazing bit was being naked around a load of people in someone else’s home, but the less amazing bit was Kieran being a bit of a dick.

So to start with, Kieran came around, and I opened the door naked except for my little heels and his jaw dropped, but instead of asking him in I said he could take me out for a drink on the way so I put on my coat and we went somewhere. I sat in the bar with my coat on, and just wondering if anyone could guess there was nothing underneath. Kieran had his hand on my thigh as we sat there and it was so sexy that I was tempted to call the whole thing off and just go home with him.

I was glad for a bit of alcohol in me when I went to Sarah’s place, though, and when I knocked on the door she was wearing lovely dress, and George was in trousers and a skirt, and they looked me up and down when they saw me and Sarah asked if she could take my coat, and I knew from her smile that she knew what was coming. But it didn’t make it any less exciting as George stared at me and Sarah was grinning wide.

Ha and Lily turned up twenty minutes later, but it was only the six of us (which was a bit disappointing, but also nice), and we ate dinner with me naked the whole time.

But the annoying bit was at some point Ha said she was so happy that I was comfortable like that because it really brightened up her day when she saw me, and Sarah said it was just good fun and she kind of envied how brave I was. I shrugged, but then Kieran said that maybe the girls could take it in turns, so that one night it was Sarah naked, and since he’d already seen Ha naked it was hardly a big deal and she looked so good that nobody would mind. I slapped him on the thigh because I really wanted him to stop, but he just wouldn’t.

Sarah obvious said “no way”, and Ha said “in your dreams”, which I think was the problem because it really did sound like his dream, and Lily said that he should start, because it shouldn’t just be the girls. And he actually said he would if they would, and George said count him out, and even Ha said she didn’t think she could eat dinner if Kieran was sitting around with nothing on, which was a bit harsh.

He just wouldn’t drop it, though, and was trying to persuade Ha that she should give her clothes to me for the night, since I was nude last time, and then when we were standing around after dinner he grabbed the zip of her dress and tried to undo it!

We both went wild at him, and Ha gave him a slap. That was the end of the evening then, and I told him he was way out of order and grabbed my coat and I walked out with Ha and Lily and came home.

I’m still mad at him and he’s been texting and calling all day, but I’m ignoring him.

Kieran is coming around in a while and then we’re going out to dinner. My heart is racing a bit, because Ha texted me and said she has absolutely no doubt that Sarah will not be expecting me to wear anything at all. I asked her if there was anyone new going and she didn’t reply so I’m suspicious now. But that won’t change my plans, obviously, so I’m going to be wearing short heels and a long coat and to hell with it.

I had lunch with Jo today. I wanted to ask her about her love life but she was only talking about work. There are a couple of junior people joining and she wants to assign them to me. I guess that’s good, but I just hope they decide to pay me more soon. I’m a bit scared to ask outright.

We had a quick drink after work but then I went home. It was a lovely bright evening so I hung around in the nude, and who cares what the neighbours think, and then flirted with Kieran over the phone.